


Unrequited?

by Pixelatrix



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Marriage, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 14:29:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1652006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixelatrix/pseuds/Pixelatrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Let's just say that I'm well-versed in diversionary tactics." <br/>The Shadow Broker Dossiers gave me the idea for this story. What if Shepard and Hackett met on the iPartner Connections that Miranda used? </p><p>I'm starting this in ME2 sometime after Horizon and the missions on Illium. Though it might continue into ME3. It will be slightly AU-ish, aren't all my stories? There will be a few spoilers here and there..</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unrequited?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that I originally wrote on FFnet, that I'm moving over here. I haven't changed any of it, so forgive any mistakes or whatever. This is one of the earlier stories that I wrote.
> 
> Beta: Epsilonbeta
> 
> I am rating this M for language mostly.
> 
> The Shepard in this series was a Spacer, Paragon and Sole Survivor.
> 
> Bioware owns all. Sadly.

**Chapter 1**

* * *

 

The message from Admiral Hackett was clearly mocking her. Not because it was about the _Normandy_ crash site, but simply for who the sender was. _Steven Hackett._ She'd been in lust with the goddamn man since they'd met during her debriefing after the clusterfuck on Akuze. He was so sadly out of her reach that it was pathetic. Yet here she was, back from the dead, umpteen years later, still finding it impossible to not think about him.

_Damn sexy._

The return to life had only made the lack of sex and romance in her life even more evident. She was lonely. More than lonely. While going through the files that the Shadow Broker had stored, she stumbled across the messages from iPartner Connection that Miranda had been using…unsuccessfully. It gave her an idea.

It hadn't been all that difficult to create a profile. Deciding to go as anonymously as possible, she picked a username that she'd be sure to remember, CJS_N7. Maybe it wasn't so anonymous. No images for the account or name, the last thing that she needed was to be recognized. She ignored the initially messages from a variety of losers and creeps. And then one message caught her attention.

* * *

 

_From: ANFA_1_

_To: CJS_N7_

_Subj: Your Profile_

_I noticed the N7 designation in your username._

_Are you former Alliance?_

* * *

 

It was probably that he was the first person to ask a question that wasn't related to her physical appearance or attributes. She checked his profile out carefully before responding.

* * *

 

_Username: ANFA_1_

_Age range: 45 – 55_

_Hair: Grey_

_Eyes: Blue_

_Alliance Navy_

_Interests: Whiskey, Star gazing, Chess._

* * *

_From: CJS_N7_

_To: ANFA_1_

_Subj: re: Your Profile_

_You could say that._

_It's complicated._

_So you're Alliance?_

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Arcturus_

_To: CJS_N7_

_From: ANFA_1_

_18:17 H: Complicated?_

_18:21 S: I'm not sure where I stand with the Alliance at the moment._

_18:22 H: How very intriguing._

_18:23 S: That's one way to look at it. So, Arcturus eh?_

_18:25 H: It's where I'm currently stationed._

_18:26 S: Intriguing._

_18:28 H: So why the iPartner profile?_

_18:29 S: Honestly?_

_18:30 H: You could like, I'd never know. Make it creative if you do._

_18:33 S: I was in…lust or love…with a man for years. He doesn't seem to see me._

_18:34 S: I finally decided that I have to move on, to find someone who does realize that I exist as more than…just… more._

_18:36 H: He's a fool._

_18:38 S: Maybe._

_18:39 S: So why are you on iPartner?_

_18:40 H: Friendship? Love? Sex?_

_18:41 S: There are no women on Arcturus?_

_18:42 H: The Alliance can be a tough mistress to compete with. And the only woman who I've ever found worth my time is out of reach. So this seemed like a good option to try._

_18:44 S: Why is she out of reach?_

_18:45 H: Age. I'm not…young._

_18:48 S: Youth is highly overrated._

_18:50 H: That's good to know._

_18:51 S: That's a lot of truth to shove into a first conversation._

_18:53 H: Life's too short to waste time._

_18:55 S: Fair point._

_18:57 H: Can we talk again?_

_18:58 S: Definitely. Maybe a game of chess?_

_18:59 H: Until then._

_19:00 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

It was Shepard. Hackett was convinced of it. He wondered briefly what idiot had been so blind to not see her interest. Maybe he should have come clean about his identity, but it was too damn tempting. If he could get her to see the man behind the uniform, he might have a chance when she found out who he was. Hell, she might not even contact him again. Several days past and he figured that she'd lost interest.

* * *

 

_Invitation to chess match:_

_From: User: CJS_N7_

_To: User: ANFA_1_

_Match Started: 21:00_

_Match Finished: 23:10_

_Winner: ANFA_1_

* * *

 

Two Days Later

* * *

 

_Invitation to chess match:_

_From: User: CJS_N7_

_To: User: ANFA_1_

_Match Started: 20:27_

_Match Finished: 22:46_

_Winner: ANFA_1_

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Tuchanka_

_To: ANFA_1_

_From: CJS_N7_

_22:48 S: What the hell do you do on Arcturus?_

_22:49 S: Every damn time that I think I've got checkmate, you fucking kill me._

_22:50 H: Let's just say that I'm well-versed in diversionary tactics._

_22:51 S: Rematch?_

_22:52 H: Sure. When? Tomorrow same time?_

_22:53 S: Maybe. I'm going to be busy with a few things._

_22:54 H: Are you active Alliance?_

_22:55 S: Not…exactly._

_22:56 H: We could exchange names._

_22:57 S: Where's the mystery in that? There are so many other questions that are more interesting._

_22:58 H: For example?_

_22:59 S: There's the cliché questions about your favorite: color, sexual position, book,…_

_23:00 S: The more esoteric: Is there a god?_

_23:01 S: Or maybe something more philosophical? Do you believe in grey areas or is the law black and white?_

_23:03 H: Hmmm. Forest green, anything on a desk, The Iliad._

_23:04 H: Yes. Maybe more than one._

_23:05 H: Life is a grey area._

_23:06 S: Desk?_

_23:07 H: What would your answers be?_

_23:08 S: Sorry, I'm momentarily distracted by the idea of a desk._

_23:09 S: Color? Blue. Position? Up against a wall. Book? A book of poems by John Keats._

_23:10 S: No god. I've had a close enough encounter with the afterlife. It was…empty. And I agree with your answer on grey areas._

_23:11 H: Up against a wall, eh? That's not really a position._

_23:12 S: Neither is a desk. And don't knock the wall until you've tried it._

_23:13 H: That's a story for another day._

_23:14 S: I do love a good story._

_23:14 S: Good night anonymous man._

_23:15 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

**Chapter 2**

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Arcturus_

_To: CJS_N7_

_From: ANFA_1_

_20:11 H: You up for a game of chess?_

_20:16 S: I don't think I'd be much of a challenge for you at the moment._

_20:17 H: Long day?_

_20:19 S: Is there any other kind on Tuchanka? Krogan, varren and fucking thresher maws._

_20:21 H: Thresher maws?_

_20:22 S: Long story._

_20:23 H: I have plenty of time and a glass of whiskey._

_20:24 S: I might have taken on a thresher maw as part of a Krogan puberty ritual._

_20:27 H: I might need a bigger glass._

_20:29 S: Fucking maws._

_20:30 S: I can still taste the damn acid in my mouth._

_20:31 H: How the hell did you get close enough for that to be a problem?_

_20:32 S: I was on foot. Though, the fuckers do spit really goddamn far._

_20:34 H: On foot?_

_20:35 H: Screw the glass; I need the whole damn bottle of whiskey to process that._

_20:36 S: On foot._

_20:38 H: On second thought, you should have the whiskey…all of it._

_20:39 S: At least this time, I got to kill the goddamn thing._

_20:41 H: You've faced one on foot before?_

_20:42 S: Doesn't matter. Rain check on the chess?_

_20:43 H: Of course, I look forward to it._

_20:44 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

Shepard signed in annoyance at the now blank screen. She couldn't tell the anonymous man about Akuze, it would be a dead giveaway to her identity. How many Alliance officers out there had lost their entire squad to thresher maws? He would know immediately who she was.

It seemed a pity because she got the feeling that she _could_ talk to him about it, which was disconcerting. Their conversations during chess matches were fun and flirtatious. She found herself thinking about him more than she expected.

The bed looked very inviting but hours later, she still hadn't managed to fall asleep. No matter how many showers she took, the fucking maw acid seemed to stay on her skin. The trouble with things like battling worst fears was that they tended to fuck with her mind. She glanced over at the omni-tool on her side table. The clock next to it read 01:15, a little late to message a random stranger, well, not quite random.

* * *

 

_From: CJS_N7_

_To: ANFA_1_

_Subj: Insomnia_

_Does counting sheep work for you?_

* * *

 

With the message sent, she collapsed back on the bed with a sigh. A few minutes later, the omni-tool indicated an incoming chat.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Arcturus_

_To: CJS_N7_

_From: ANFA_1_

_01:26 H: Having trouble sleeping?_

_01:28 S: Ever since…yes._

_01:29 H: It's the downside to having seen combat. Nightmares tend to be a little more realistic._

_01:30 S: So what do you do?_

_01:33 H: Find something to channel the energy into._

_01:38 S: What do you really do?_

_01:40 H: Work. Whiskey._

_01:42 S: Sounds about right._

_01:44 H: What exactly is keeping you up?_

_01:47 S: Thresher maws._

_01:48 S: Mostly._

_01:49 H: What else?_

_01:52 S: You wouldn't believe me if I told you._

_01:53 H: Try me._

_01:55 S: What's your worst nightmare?_

_01:56 H: Losing someone under my command through a decision that I made. What's yours?_

_01:58 S: Betraying the Alliance? Or maybe, getting spaced out of a ship and slowly suffocating to death._

_02:01 H: I find it hard to believe that an N7 would betray the Alliance._

_02:02 S: It's happened before. And it's easy to say that when you don't know my name._

_02:03 H: Call it an intuition._

_02:04 S: I should let you sleep._

_02:06 S: Good night anonymous man. Thanks_

_02:07 User has disconnected_.

* * *

 

Hackett felt a surge of frustration when the commander closed the conversation. Keeping his identity a secret meant that he couldn't offer more comfort or help to her. He tapped his fingers on his terminal. Anderson had sent over the report on Horizon. Alenko was clearly an idiot if he accused Shepard of being a traitor.

He wondered if that had bothered the Commander more than Anderson thought. The packet of data on Cerberus from the operative on Lorek also sat in his inbox. How could Shepard worry about betraying the Alliance when she'd provided so much intel? It also gave him an idea of how to allay some of her fears. In the morning, he sent Shepard a more _official_ response.

* * *

 

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Commander Shepard_

_Subj: re: data packet_

_Anderson forwarded the information over to me._

_The Alliance is very grateful._

_It's a relief to have you back, Commander._

_Good job. Stay safe._

_Hackett_.

* * *

 

_From: Commander Shepard_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: re: data packet_

_Thank you._

_That means a lot._

_I wasn't sure how welcome my presence was to the Alliance._

_Shepard_

* * *

 

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Commander Shepard_

_Subj: re: data packet_

_Incredibly welcome._

_Always. Anyone who says otherwise is an idiot._

_Hackett_

* * *

 

The _Normandy_ had been in the Dholen system while they rescued Tali from Haestrom. With that taken care of, she had Joker make the jump to the Dakka System next. The Cerberus facility on Pragia needed blown the fuck up according to Jack. It might be cathartic for both of them. With that taken care of, they were off to the Rosetta Nebula to deal with Jacob's father or at least, the crashed ship that he had been on.

_Fucking needy fuckers._

Someone always seemed to want something from Shepard. No one ran goddamn errands for her. The only person even remotely concerned about her was a man whose name she didn't even know.

* * *

 

_Invitation to chess match:_

_From: User: CJS_N7_

_To: User: ANFA_1_

_Match Started: 10:45_

_Match Finished: 11:57_

_Winner: ANFA_1_

* * *

 

Damn it.

They arrived at 2175 Aeia before she could try to kick his ass again. The fun thing about extranet chess was trading smack talk through the game. She felt cheerful all the way up to the utter mind-fuck that they found on the planet. One of these days, she'd go on a straight forward mission that didn't make her want to shoot everyone in sight.

* * *

 

_From: User: CJS_N7_

_To: User: ANFA_1_

_Match Started: 21:16_

_Match Finished: 22:58_

_Winner: ANFA_1_

* * *

 

Fucking again.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Bekenstein_

_To: ANFA_1_

_From: CJS_N7_

_23:01 S: Damn it._

_23:03 H: You seem a little distracted. That game was an easy win._

_23:04 S: Tired._

_23:05 H: Nightmares again?_

_23:07 S: Not exactly. Just…weary._

_23:09 H: Bekenstein is a good place for a vacation._

_23:11 S: It's more of a…working…vacation._

_23:13 H: Oh?_

_23:14 S: It's complicated._

_23:16 H: I think I can probably keep up._

_23:18 S: Maybe later. G'night anonymous man._

_23:19 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

**Chapter 3**

* * *

 

Six chess matches. Six. And six goddamn losses. The games were a nice break between the endless mining for resources and missions. The crew was finally complete and most of their fucking errands had been finished. She set a course for the disabled collector vessel. It would take an hour or so to get there.

"Commander?"

Shepard looked over to find Chambers watching her with what looked like concern on her face. "Yes?"

"You seem to spend a lot of time in your quarters." The yeoman was trying to be intentionally disarming.

"And?"

"I'm just concerned that…"

"If I want my head shrunk by someone, I'll let you know. Otherwise, I suggest that you keep your personal opinions to yourself and your goddamn reports to the Illusive Man." Shepard moved down from the Galaxy Map over to her terminal.

"I don't…" Kelly's voice trailed off again when Shepard raised an eyebrow at her. "Cerberus is not the enemy, Commander."

"I've seen the results of Cerberus operations. I've seen the bodies and the horrific experiments." Shepard didn't bother to look up at the yeoman while she looked at her messages. Chambers took the hint and let the matter rest for the moment.

* * *

 

_From: ANFA_1_

_TO: CJS_N7_

_Subj: 9 – 0?_

_You sure that you don't want to try a different game._

* * *

 

Arrogant bastard.

* * *

 

_From: CJS_N7_

_To: ANFA_1_

_Subj: Arrogance…_

… _is not an attractive trait._

* * *

 

A couple of hours later, she was calling the Illusive Man an arrogant bastard for completely different reasons. The disabled had turned out to be less disabled and more of a fucking trap, one that the fucking bastard at the head of the _lovely_ Cerberus organization had known _all_ about. She paced angrily in her quarters while Joker headed towards the Citadel.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Arcturus_

_To: CJS_N7_

_From: ANFA_1_

_19:03 H: You ready to lose again?_

_19:10 S: Not right now. The only thing that I'm even remotely interested in is putting a bullet between someone's eyes._

_19:12 H: Bad day?_

_19:14 S: That is the understatement of the century._

_19:16 H: Want to tell me about it?_

_19:18 S: Strangely, yes, but I can't._

_19:20 H: I'd like to help._

_19:21 H: Tell me about it…hypothetically_

_19:22 S: Hypothetically? I'm laughing over here; I know you can't see it. But I am._

_19:23 H: Just pretend you're speaking about a "friend."_

_19:26 S: A friend of mine…this is stupid…a friend of mine is trapped working for a group that she can't trust. She's got friends in the group that are trustworthy. But it isn't enough. And she doesn't have a way out._

_19:29 H: Can the Alliance help your friend?_

_19:30 S: No, and she wouldn't let them. There's more at stake than her…there's too much at stake._

_19:32 S: I have to see this through._

_19:33 H: So why was today so bad?_

_19:34 S: Hypothetically?_

_19:36 H: Of course._

_19:37 S: I was used as bait for a trap…and the trap was a trap that was set for me._

_19:38 H: So you were the bait and the prey?_

_19:39 S: That's my life in a nutshell._

_19:40 H: Is there no one at the Alliance that can help?_

_19:41 S: Not even hypothetically. No, that's a lie. There is one person…_

_19:42 H: But?_

_19:43 S: He's the one that I told you about before._

_19:44 H: The idiot who was too blind to see how you felt about him?_

_19:45 S: That's the one._

_19:48 H: He's Alliance?_

_19:51 S: Yes. He's an admiral._

_19:59 H: Which one?_

_20:01 S: Does it matter?_

_20:02 H: Just interested in knowing who my competition is._

_20:03 S: I can assure you that he's not interested in me._

_20:04 H: So who is he?_

_20:06 S: Admiral Hackett._

_20:11 H: Hackett?_

_20:13 S: I know. I'm aware that I had lost my damn mind._

_20:16 H: If he doesn't see you, he's still an idiot._

_20:17 S: Thank you…for listening…hypothetically. You still interested in a game of chess?_

_20:19 H: Sure, send an invite over._

_20:20 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

It took Hackett a moment to regain his equilibrium. Shepard had basically just admitted to being in love with him for years. How the hell had he missed that? _Idiot._ He thought over his options while waiting for the chess game invite. He wasn't ready to tell her just yet. He'd find a way to help her with Cerberus, or at least just be there for her. Then at some point, he'd tell her who the anonymous man on the other end of the chess match really was.

* * *

 

_Invitation to chess match:_

_From: User: CJS_N7_

_To: User: ANFA_1_

_Match Started: 20:26_

_Match Finished: 22:03_

_Winner: ANFA_1_

* * *

 

Another goddamn loss. If this kept up, Shepard was going to develop a serious complex. She'd give her right arm to know who the fucker was. He played a damn good game of chess. She briefly thought about switching to poker, but hell, it would be too much like backing down from a fight. Commander Shepard just didn't do that.

"Hey Commander, we've reached Typhon." Joker informed her.

"Tell Garrus and Thane to meet me at the Hammerhead." Shepard glanced at a new message that had arrived from Kaidan. _Douchebag._ Alenko's message would have to wait.

When she got back from Aite, she still didn't feel like responding. The Fifth Fleet picked up David Archer. Grissom Academy would take good care of the young man. The Illusive Man was pissed off but Shepard didn't care.

Just when she thought she had a handle on Cerberus' worst crimes, she found another one worse than the last. She reclined back on her bad while the _Normandy_ made the jump to the Vallhallan Threshold. They needed to figure out why the hell the quarians were accusing Tali of treason. Tali? It was the most absurd thing that she had ever heard. _Stupid fuckers_. Politicians were the same no matter what fucking species.

Every damn time that she closed her eyes all she could see was David Archer stretched out in that goddamn torture device.

_Square root of 906.1 equals 30.1._

_Damn it._

The clock to her left read 02:19. She needed to talk to someone. Anyone. No not just anyone.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Aite_

_To: ANFA_1_

_From: CJS_N7_

_02:21 S: I almost killed someone today._

_02:27 H: That's sadly par for the course for a soldier._

_02:28 S: This was different. It was out of anger…not necessity._

_02:29 H: What did they do?_

_02:31 S: The short version? Torture an innocent autistic young man who couldn't defend himself._

_02:32 H: Why didn't you shoot the bastard?_

_02:33 S: He needed to live with what he did to his brother._

_02:33 H: Brother?_

_02:36 S: Yes. Brother._

_02:37 S: Sorry that I woke you. Not sure why…I just needed something._

_02:38 H: I don't mind._

_02:39 S: I keep hearing his voice in my head. Goddamn it._

_02:41 H: I'm sending you a file._

_02:42 H: It's a series of concertos from the 18th century. The composer was Vivaldi. It's called the Four Seasons. Sometimes, I find it helps me sleep. Give it a try._

_02:43 S: Thanks, anonymous man._

_02:35 H: Get some rest._

_02:46 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

Shepard transferred the track to her sound system and put it on repeat. It lulled her to sleep within minutes. They were already docked with the migrant fleet when Joker woke her up hours later. She yawned and headed over to her terminal. She needed to respond to Alenko.

* * *

 

_From: Shepard_

_To: Alenko_

_Subj: re: Horizon_

_I'm not interested in your apologies._

_I'm not interested in why the fuck you think that you had the right to question my loyalties._

_And I am certainly not interested in you._

_It was one night. And it didn't mean enough to you._

_Don't contact me again._

_Shepard_

* * *

 

It might have been harsh. But the fucker deserved.

* * *

 

_From: CJS_N7_

_To: ANFA_1_

_Subj: Vivaldi_

_Best night of sleep that I've had since I…_

_Just trust me that was the best night of sleep I've had in a long time._

_Thank you._

* * *

 

**Chapter 4**

* * *

 

_Invitation to chess match:_

_From: User: CJS_N7_

_To: User: ANFA_1_

_Match Started: 20:47_

_Match Finished: 21:36_

_Winner: ANFA_1_

* * *

 

The bastard clearly cheated. Or she just really sucked at chess.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Citadel_

_To: ANFA_1_

_From: CJS_N7_

_21:39 S: How the bloody hell?_

_21:40 H: I admire the way that you keep trying._

_21:41 S: Bite me._

_21:43 H: Tempting._

_21:44 S: I will win one…eventually._

_21:45 H: They do say persistence is the key._

_21:46 S: "They" sound like a bunch of bastards._

_21:48 H: I'm sending you another music file._

_21:49 S: More Vivaldi?_

_21:51 H: Something slightly more modern._

_21:51 H: It's from the 21st century. I think you'll like it._

_21:53 S: Do you ever listen to anything from this century?_

_21:54 H: Not if I Can help it._

_21:56 S: Old school, eh?_

_21:57 H: Maybe just old._

_21:59 S: I somehow doubt that._

_22:01 H: You up for another game?_

_22:03 S: I'm still bruised from the last one._

_22:04 H: Chicken?_

_22:05 S: It's more like self-preservation. My ego is fragile._

_22:06 H: Sounds like the same damn thing._

_22:08 S: Maybe tomorrow night? I've got to visit the Citadel at 0800 and I need some sleep._

_22:09 H: Business or pleasure?_

_22:10 S: Definitely business._

_22:12 H: You should get some rest then, until tomorrow._

_22:13 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

Shepard found a new file in her inbox. It was an album called Bajo Cero from a musician called Pablo Ziegler*. The music was strong, jazzy and sexy. For some strange reason, it made her think about Hackett.

_Not helpful. Not fucking helpful at all._

The following morning, Shepard ran the last of her errands on the Citadel. How the hell did she manage to get herself roped into these goddamn things? Ish was going to be damn lucky if she didn't just hand him over to Aria. She decided to pay Anderson a visit before she left. It might be the last time that she got to see him before they hit the Omega-4 Relay. He was in his office on the Presidium mid-conversation with Admiral fucking Hackett when she arrived.

_Son-of-a-bitch._

"Councilor, Admiral." Shepard shook Anderson's hand while sneaking a glance to the man standing behind him. Hackett's eyes twinkled with something…amusement maybe. She offered him a salute which he returned.

"Commander Shepard" He reached out to shake her hand. He held her hand a moment longer than necessary. She frowned at him when he stepped back. "It's good to see you."

_This was weird and awkward._

_Aw-fucking-kward._

"That's nice." Shepard couldn't remember why the hell that she'd come to see Anderson in the first place. She needed a goddamn drink and to get out of the office before she embarrassed herself. "I…yea…I'll just be going now."

Darkstar Lounge was too loud and crowded. Shepard headed to Flux instead. Doran found her a quiet table and a large glass of something strong and orange. _Orange?_ Fucking hell was this shit.

"Was it something I said?" Hackett stood next to the table with a glass in his hand. His booze wasn't orange.

Shepard grabbed the glass from his hand and took a sip. "Hmm. Scotch?"

"Yes." Hackett plucked the glass out of her hand. "Is this seat taken?"

"Not really." Shepard took a long swig from her own drink. "What can I do for you?"

"How are you doing, Shepard?" Hackett appeared oblivious to how flustered that she suddenly seemed.

_The orange shit was not strong enough._

"Fine. I'm fine."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"I'd rather be on an Alliance vessel." She tapped a finger on the top of her glass. "There are those that I trust on the Normandy; Garrus, Joker, the doc, you know? But fucking Cerberus, I feel like I sold my soul to the devil."

"He's just borrowing it." Hackett smiled and Shepard found herself completely distracted by that damn twinkle in his eyes.

"Yes, but will I get it back?" She emptied her glass.

"Of course." Hackett scratched his chin for a moment before continuing. "You're an Alliance officer. That means that you _belong_ to me, Shepard. He doesn't get to keep you or your soul."

She frowned at the emphasis that he put on the word belong. She felt like there was context that was added to his sentence but she didn't know what it was or what it meant.

"Good to know," Shepard responded. "I should get back to the _Normandy._ "

He waved off her salute and attempt to pay for the drinks. "Stay safe, Commander."

The walk back to the ship was complete haze. _Weird._ Hackett seemed different from the last time that she'd spoken with him. He was more intense and less reserved. She set a course on the Galaxy Map for the Thorne system and headed down to the crew quarters.

Ten rounds of Skyllian Five poker later, the Commander had lost six hundred credits and drunk at least eight beers. Zaeed fucking cheated, damn it. _Was there a goddamn game that she could win?_ She grabbed the last beer from Kasumi's hand and stumbled away to her cabin.

"You done, Shepard?" Zaeed called after her. "There's a goddamn gun that I need to buy. I could use some of your hard-earned credits."

"Bite me, Massani. Bite me." Shepard yelled back at him before stepping into the elevator.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Citadel_

_To: ANFA_1_

_From: CJS_N7_

_19:56 S: Men are fucking confusing._

_20:00 H: We are?_

_20:01 S: Yes. Fuckers. I had some beer._

_20:03 H: Some?_

_20:04 S: Six…no…eight, maybe nine. And I had some orange shit on the Citadel._

_20:07 H: Orange shit?_

_20:08 S: Orange shit._

_20:10 H: Why are men confusing?_

_20:12 S: How the fuck should I know?_

_20:13 S: You're a man._

_20:14 H: What confused you?_

_20:15 S: A man._

_20:16 H: I think we established that already. How did he confuse you?_

_20:17 S: Big words are big._

_20:18 H: Are you sure it was just nine beers?_

_20:19 S: No. He said belong…but he said it…special._

_20:20 H: Special?_

_20:22 S: Stop laughing. I know you're laughing._

_20:23 H: I wouldn't dare._

_20:24 S: Liar._

_20:26 H: Can you be more specific than special?_

_20:27 S: If I could, I wouldn't be confused. Also, I'm very drunk._

_20:28 H: Maybe you should sleep it off. It might be less confusing._

_20:29 S: Ok, anonymous man._

_20:30 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

Hackett chuckled for a good ten minutes after Shepard logged out of the chat. It had been a risk heading to the Citadel when he knew she'd be there. He couldn't resist the opportunity to see her. Anderson had been right to worry about the Commander. She looked exhausted and more stressed than he could remember seeing her. He meant what he said about her belonging to him though. He just hoped that she still felt the same way.

* * *

 

**Chapter 5**

* * *

 

"I'm never drinking that orange shit again." Shepard grumbled while she headed to the dormant vessel to get the Reaper IFF. She'd brought Thane and Garrus with her. Mordin wanted to go but he was too fucking chatty. Her hangover could only handle so much.

"I keep telling you not to let Doran mix your drinks." Garrus took a pot-shot at a husk.

"Shut it, Vakarian." Shepard elbowed him in the side.

"Does he _ever_ talk?" Garrus nodded his head towards Thane.

Shepard coughed loudly to cover her laughter. "Maybe it's hard to be a stealthy assassin if you talk?"

"Are you two quite finished?" Thane glanced back at them. "I believe we have a mission to complete."

"You hear that Vakarian. We have a mission to finish." Shepard gave him an amused look. "Stop distracting me.

They weren't laughing by the time that they got back to the _Normandy_. Shepard was now the proud owner of the reaper IFF and a geth named Legion. With a course set for the Sea of Storms, it was as good a time as any for another attempt to beat the anonymous man. It was practically an obsession at this point.

* * *

 

_Invitation to chess match:_

_From: User: CJS_N7_

_To: User: ANFA_1_

_Match Started: 21:07_

_Match Finished: 22:48_

_Winner: CJS_N7_

* * *

 

Holy shit.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: The Sea of Storms_

_To: ANFA_1_

_From: CJS_N7_

_22:50 S: Ha! I won…with a hangover._

_22:51 H: Nicely done._

_22:52 S: Yea a whopping score of 11 – 1? Is it?_

_22:53 H: Are you still confused?_

_22:54 S: What?_

_22:56 H: You messaged me last night about being confused._

_22:57 S: Shit. I was sure that was just a drunken memory._

_22:59 H: You were confused about belonging._

_23:01 S: I was very drunk._

_23:02 H: You have time for a re-match?_

_23:04 S: I wish. Maybe later?_

_23:05 H: Anytime._

_23:06 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

She fully intended to play another game of chess the next day. But then the collectors decided to invade her goddamn ship. _Fuckers._ They had done everything that they could to prepare. She just needed to do one last thing before they entered the Omega-4 Relay.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Omega_

_To: ANFA_1_

_From: CJS_N7_

_16:36 S: Are you there?_

_16:43 H: It's a little early in the day for a chess game. How are you?_

_16:45 S: I…_

_16:48 H: Is something going on?_

_16:50 S: I'm about to…_

_16:53 H: go on a mission?_

_16:57 S: They say the odds of survival are 50-50. I think it's more like 20-80. It's a goddamn suicide mission. But I have to do it._

_16:58 H: Ahh._

_17:01 S: I didn't want you to wonder if I never contacted you again._

_17:03 H: I'll be waiting anxiously to hear from you._

_17:05 S: If I make it back, maybe we can talk less…anonymously?_

_17:08 H: I'll hold you to that._

_17:09 H: Fair winds and following seas._

_17:10 S: Seas?_

_17:12 H: Don't mock the old Navy blessing. It's carried me through a few suicide missions._

_17:14 S: Thanks._

_17:15 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

It wasn't until a few hours later that Hackett realized exactly what Shepard had been talking about. He received a report from Anderson about the Omega-4 Relay lighting up. A ship had gone through the relay. _Fair winds and followings seas, indeed._ He felt a massive weight of anxiety on his shoulders. He kept waiting for a follow-up report but none came.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Citadel_

_To: ANFA_1_

_From: CJS_N7_

_03:04 S: Are you awake?_

_03:14 H: I am now._

_03:16 S: Just wanted you to know that I'm…alive._

_03:18 H: You don't sound super sure._

_03:19 S: Things…it was complicated. A lot more complicated than I anticipated._

_03:20 H: Were you injured?_

_03:23 S: Nothing serious. My ship is another story. We're going to end up in dry-dock on the Citadel for a few days while it gets fixed._

_03:25 H: What exactly does nothing serious mean?_

_03:26 S: It means that I'm not dead and I have a few new scars._

_03:27 H: Glad to know that you're alive._

_03:28 S: More later?_

_03:29 H: Of course._

_03:30 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

"Thank the gods." Hackett muttered to the blank screen. She was back and safe. He sent a quick message to his yeoman to set up a transport. He had no intention of wasting this opportunity.

It didn't take him long to find her once he arrived on the Citadel. She was sitting at the same damn time in Flux. The only difference was that she was in Alliance fatigues not Cerberus ones and her drink was green.

"You look good in blue, Shepard." He stood just behind the empty chair opposite hers.

"I…" She seemed lost for words for a moment. She swirled the liquid in her glass around for a moment before trying again. "The good news? The Illusive Man is missing a ship and a crew. The Collector base has been destroyed. The bad news? The reapers are coming…though, technically, we already knew that."

Hackett stepped around the table to place an arm on her shoulder. "I'm glad to have you back safe and sound."

"I have a few new scars." Shepard pointed to few marks on her neck and one just under her eye. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"I had something that I wanted to tell you. And it needed to be said in person." Hackett leaned in a little closer until his lips just brushed against her ear. "I see you, Shepard. If you were in doubt, it's something that you should to know. I _see_ you."

She stared up at him in confusion. And then she remembered her conversation with the anonymous man on iPartner. _Holy fucking shit._ "You're…but…oh shit."

He chuckled when a red flush started at the base of her neck. His fingers brushed against her cheeks. "Commander Shepard actually blushes, I should take a picture."

"I'm going to need a stronger drink." Shepard watched him while he moved around the table to take a seat. "When did you know it was me?"

"I knew from the first conversation." Hackett admitted without apology.

She downed the contents of her glass and ordered another drink. "Is this where you quote the regs at me?"

"Do I look like Anderson?" Hackett wasn't about to let a stupid rule get in his way. "Do you want me to quote them to you?"

"Hell no." She responded quickly before taking a fresh drink from the waitress. "I…uhm…"

"Yes?"

"You play a damn good game of chess, Hackett." Shepard grinned at him over her glass.

"I believe that I mentioned that I was well-versed in diversionary tactics." He smiled back at her.

"You're goddamn sneaky bastard." She seemed to still be wrapping her mind around everything.

"Like I said, diversionary tactics."

* * *

 

**Chapter 6**

* * *

 

It wasn't until Shepard was back on the _Normandy_ that she remembered something from their first conversation. She paced in her quarters for a while before caving to the inevitable. She needed a goddamn answer.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Citadel_

_To: Hackett_

_From: Shepard_

_21:56 S: So…who the hell was the woman who was out of your reach that you mentioned?_

_21:59 H: Hello to you too, Shepard._

_22:00 S: Hi. Answer the damn question._

_22:01 H: You._

_22:07 S: …me?_

_22:08 H: You._

_22:12 S: Me._

_22:13 H: Yes, don't say me again._

_22:14 S: Smartass._

_22:15 S: You have just tilted my entire view of the world._

_22:16 H: How does it feel to have your soul back from Cerberus?_

_22:17 S: I thought you had it?_

_22:18 H: No, I've got you…all of you._

_22:29 H: You still there?_

_22:31 S: I'm having trouble forming coherent thoughts._

_22:32 H: Speechless already? I haven't even touched you yet._

_22:34 S: Stop smirking, it's unbecoming for an Admiral._

_22:35 H: How long are you docked at the Citadel?_

_22:37 S: A couple of days. We're headed to visit your…friend once the repairs are finished._

_22:38 H: I have a fifth floor apartment at Tiberius Towers. Meet me tomorrow at 1800 for dinner?_

_22:40 S: Sure. Are you up for a game of chess?_

_22:42 H: Always._

_22:43 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

Maybe the game of chess would _chase_ away the nerves she had at the idea of a first date with Hackett. She was goddamn Commander Shepard. He should not make her feel like a fucking…she was in over her head.

* * *

 

_Invitation to chess match:_

_From: User: Shepard_

_To: User: Hackett_

_Match Started: 22:41_

_Match Finished: 23:56_

_Winner: Hackett_

* * *

 

Shepard went to sleep listening to the Argentinian composer that he had sent to her. Now she understood why the music reminded her of Hackett. She woke the next morning to the sudden realization that she had a date with Hackett and nothing but fatigues and fucking armor to wear.

"I need…a dress. And not that fucking monstrosity that you made me wear to Hock's party." Shepard stood in the lounge looking slightly panicked at Kasumi.

"What _kind_ of dress, Shep?" Kasumi remained unperturbed.

"I wear fucking armor and fatigues. I don't know." Shepard hated everything at the moment. "I want to look…sexy. Help me, damn it."

"Sexy, like?"

"Not Miranda, that's for certain." She ran a hand through her hair. "Nevermind, I'll just wear fatigues on my date."

"You have a _date._ " Kasumi sat up with sudden interest. "You cannot wear _that_ on a date, Shep. Leave it to me. I'll find something that even you will feel comfortable in."

1730 rolled around and Shepard found herself in black heels and what her mom would call a _little black dress._ She didn't recognize herself. Kasumi had picked a dress that she didn't feel like ripping to shreds. It clung to her body in all the right places, but flowed around her at the same time. She'd even managed to somehow reign in Shepard's unruly mop of blond hair. Hackett wouldn't know what hit him.

Thirty minutes later, she stood in front of his door trying to get the courage to go in when it opened. Hackett was on the other side. He must have been delayed in his earlier meeting. He was still in his dress blues though the collar of his shirt was opened far enough to reveal the light blue undershirt. His sleeves were rolled up. He looked…she was having trouble resisting the urge to reach up and unbutton his shirt further.

Hackett stepped back to usher her inside. She glanced over her shoulder to find him checking out the way the dress hugged her body. He met her gaze and winked unapologetically at her.

"You look stunning, Shepard." Hackett handed her a glass of wine then led her into the kitchen.

"You…cook?" She watched him check on whatever was sitting on the top of the stove.

"I do indeed." He dipped a spoon into the sauce then held it out for her to taste. He ran his thumb along her bottom lip when she was finished to catch a drop that had escaped.

She leaned back against one of the counters as much for support as to seem more relaxed than she felt. "That tastes amazing."

"It'll be ready in about fifteen minutes." He set the lid back on the pan. He stepped away from the stove and came to stand in front of her. With her heels on, they were just at eye level with each other. "That dress is…breathtaking on you."

Shepard started to respond but found herself completely distracted by the man in front of her. One of his arms slid around her waist to draw her closer, his other hand reached up to once again brush across her lips.

"You seem a little lost for words, Shepard." That goddamn twinkle was back in his eyes.

She licked her lips in a nervous gesture and her tongue moved along the thumb resting on her bottom lip. They both inhaled sharply at the contact. His arm tightened around her. He rested his forehead against the top of her shoulder while he took a few deep breaths.

"I'm going over there to cook." He muttered against her bare shoulder but he didn't move.

"You feeling alright there, Hackett? You seem a little _lost._ " She tried unsuccessfully to hide her laughter. His head bounced as her shoulders shook.

"If I don't move back to the stove, I'm going to take you up against the damn counter." He stepped away as he spoke.

Shepard eased up on the counter to get comfortable. It was easier said than done in the fucking dress. But it did give her a wicked idea. She crossed her legs ever so slowly. His eyes were glued on her. "Is that a problem?"

"I am not that kind of man, not on the first date."

"What kind of man are you?" She was beginning to get the idea that she didn't know Hackett as well as she thought she did. It was a captivating concept.

"A _real_ one." His eyes met hers and she spent the next few minutes focusing on remembering how to breathe. "Now stop trying to change my damn mind."

After dinner, he led her into his library. She ran her hand along the spines of a couple of books on the shelves. He took a seat in one of the two recliners in the room and motioned towards the chess board that rested on a table between the chairs. It was exquisite, clearly an antique. She picked up a knight. The pieces were all delicately carved wood of some sort. The board itself looked like mahogany with inset marbled squares.

"Fancy a game?" He watched her over the edge of his glass of scotch.

She kicked her heels off and got comfortable in the other recliner. "I thought we were already playing."

* * *

 

**Chapter 7**

* * *

 

The repairs to the _Normandy_ were complete. They should technically be heading for Aratoht to rescue Doctor Kenson. Instead, Shepard paced in front of Hackett's Apartment on the Citadel. He wasn't there; maybe he'd already left to return to Arcturus. She turned to leave only to find Hackett watching her.

"How long have you been standing there?" She shoved her hands into the pockets of her cargo pants.

"A few minutes." He placed a hand on her lower back to lead her through the now open doorway. "I'm guessing you aren't here for another game of chess.

"No." Shepard needed a clear head for this conversation. His hand resting at the base of her spine was _not_ helping. "You should go…stand over there."

He gave her a curious glance but went to the general area that she had gestured towards. Shepard resumed pacing while trying to organize her thoughts. Hackett watched the pacing for a moment before moving back in front of her. He placed his hands on her upper arms to stop the manic walking.

"What the hell has got you so worked up?" He slid one of his hands down to her wrist to check her pulse. She knew it was racing. "Are you trying to give yourself a heart attack?"

"I haven't…" She leaned her forehead against the front of his uniform. "The last relationship that I had was…in basic."

"You haven't had sex since boot camp?"

"I said _relationship_ not sex. Men." Shepard's laughter muffled against his shirt.

His grip on her arms tightened a little. She wondered if he was jealous. "Anyone that I know?"

"No comment." She stopped laughing immediately. Hackett did not need to know about the brief fling with Alenko.

"So why are you wearing a hole in the floor?" He asked. He'd probably come back to the sex thing later if she knew him at all.

She pulled one of her arms free from her grasp and reached down to fidget with the waistband on his dress pants. "The repairs are finally finished."

"I know."

"We're leaving for Aratoht." She tugged on his pants a little.

"I know."

"There's a desk, a wall, a couch and probably a bed somewhere in this damn place." She gestured erratically while muttering in frustration. "For the love of god, take me up against one of them before I spontaneously combust. Or have I _completely_ misread our intentions?"

 _Smooth Shepard, real smooth._ She decided to head back to the _Normandy._ Maybe she would die of humiliation on the way to the batarian facility. She didn't make it one step before Hackett swung her up into his arms. It happened so quickly that she stared at him stunned.

"Put me down." She glared at him.

"Momentarily."

"Where are we going?" She decided to surrender to the inevitable since he was obviously not going to put her down until he was good and ready. She focused her attention on the upper buttons of his dress shirt. He needed to look more…ruffled.

Hackett set her down just inside his bedroom. "Ask."

"Huh?"

"You have questions." It was a statement. One that was accurate, but she was tired of talking. And playing fucking chess or more accurately, losing at fucking chess. "Shepard?"

She placed her hand over his mouth to stop whatever the hell he was going to say next. "You can't answer the damn questions with words."

"No?" He spoke into the palm of her hand. His beard tickled her hand.

Her hand fell away from his mouth. Shepard wasn't sure how to he was going to respond. She didn't have to wait very long. His hands came up to rest on her hips. She started to make a smartass remark when his hands slowly guided her flush against him. Her thighs pressed tightly against his.

She let her fingers wander across his dress shirt, taking her time to unbutton them. When she finished, she pushed his dress shirt to the floor. He frowned at her. He reached down to grab the shirt and toss it over the back of a nearby recliner. It made her laugh. Trust Hackett to worry about wrinkles on his goddamn dress uniform. He pushed her back on the bed.

"Let's see if we can answer some of those damn questions." He stripped out of his pants, setting them on top of the shirt.

"It's about goddamn time."

* * *

 

**Chapter 8**

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Arcturus_

_To: Shepard_

_From: Hackett_

_18:12 H: Was it someone on the Normandy?_

_18:14 S: What?_

_18:15 H: That you slept with._

_18:17 S: Ahh. I wondered how long it would take for you to get back around to that._

_18:18 H: You don't have to answer._

_18:21 S: True. It was Kaidan._

_18:23 H: Kaidan? Staff Commander Alenko? But on Horizon, I read the report from Anderson, he was…_

_18:24 S: Charming?_

_18:26 H: He was an idiot._

_18:28 S: I seem to have a few of those in my life._

_18:30 H: Funny, Shepard._

_18:31 S: I thought so. Look, I'm going offline. I'll let you know when I'm back with Kenson._

_18:33 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

When two days passed and he hadn't heard from the Commander, Hackett started to worry. Moreau gave him the _Normandy's_ coordinates and he immediately arranged transport for himself. Something was seriously wrong.

This mission should not have taken more than a couple of hours. Kenson's facility on the meteor had also gone dark which was even more worrying. He arrived on the _Normandy_ just as an emergency transmission came in from Shepard. She needed immediate pickup.

Minutes later, Hackett helped Shepard limp back on her ship. She screamed at Joker to jump out of the system. _What the hell had happened down there?_ She shoved him away and limped over to the galaxy map. Hackett watched with a growing sense of dread as the entire damn system disappeared from the map.

Shepard buried her face in her hands for a moment. She cursed under her breath and then started towards the elevator. He stepped inside with her. She looked completely exhausted.

"The batarians will want blood for this." He was worried about her.

She grabbed him by the lapels of his uniform and shoved him up against the wall. "Kenson discovered the reapers were going to use that system for a quick jump to destroy all of us. Instead of trying to stop them, she fucking rolled out the red carpet. They left goddamn reaper tech out in the open and ended up fucking indoctrinated. I fought. I fought the whole fucking station and I failed. I woke up with minutes to spare. Those deaths will weigh heavily on my shoulders, _Admiral_. But it was fucking necessary. You can tell the batarians to get in line."

Hackett followed in silence after she let him go while she shuffled her way into the Medbay. Chakwas gave her a thorough check-up before applying medi-gel and pain meds. The doc didn't seem to be all that pleased with either of them. She tossed a warning look his direction before leaving him alone with the Commander.

"I have proof, by the way." She held up a datapad.

"Keep it. I trust you Shepard." He stepped over to her. He touched a finger to a bruise on her jaw. "Are you ok?"

"Taking on an entire station of indoctrinated soldiers is harder than it sounds, especially when you have limited ammunition and no fucking back-up." She turned her head to kiss the finger he had placed on her face.

"I need to get back to Arcturus before the news of what happened gets around. I'll do my best to cushion this for you. You did the right thing. The reapers had to be stopped." He hesitated for a moment not quite ready to leave.

"So…you want to see my fish?" Shepard grinned at him.

"Fish?" He offered his hand to help her off the Sickbay bed.

"You'll see. I have an aquarium in my quarters." She started towards the lift. He kept an arm around her waist to help. That's what he told himself. "I have a hamster too."

"A hamster?" He shook his head in amusement. "Does he have a name?"

"Of course he does, his name is…" She bit off the last word which immediately aroused his curiosity. She was silent all the way up to her cabin.

"What's the little guy's name?" Hackett tapped a finger lightly on the glass cage that housed the tiny creature.

"Hackett."

He caught the smirk before she hid it. _The little…_

"Careful, Admiral, I'm under doctor's orders not to do anything strenuous." She held a hand up when he started towards her.

"You named your hamster Hackett." He rubbed his forehead for a moment. "Really?"

"He didn't look like an Alenko." She shrugged. She reached behind her then immediately dropped her arms. "Fuck. A little help here?"

Hackett walked behind her and unbuckled her armor. She'd taken off the gauntlets in the MedBay but nothing else. He set each piece on the bed. She was left in cargo pants and a black tank-top. He noticed the bruises that seemed to cover most of her body that was visible.

Shepard shoved the armor off the bed to the floor. She eased herself back on top of the covers. Hackett had the feeling that standing just required too much effort for her. He picked the armor up and moved it over to the storage across from the bed.

"Hey Hackett?" Her voice was muffled. He glanced over his shoulder to find that she had covered her face with a pillow.

"Yes?"

"The next time that you have a _special_ mission for me, unless it involves you and nudity, I'm not fucking interested." Shepard tossed the pillow at him. "A five-minute difference and I wouldn't have made it off that rock."

"I'll take the nudity clause into consideration." He easily caught the pillow and set it on the bed.

She pulled the pillow back over and rested her head on it. "Hey Hackett?"

" _Yes_?"

"See this?" She gestured to empty spot beside her. "It's calling your name."

Hackett chuckled for a minute before unbuttoning his dress shirt and draping it across the back of one of the chairs in the living area. He stretched out next to her on the bed. Once he was settled on his back, Shepard rolled over to drape her arm and leg across him. Her head rested against his chest.

"We're going to have to talk about that damn hamster," he muttered. Her shoulders shook a little which told him that she was laughing at him.

"Maybe we should talk about the fact that I'm probably going to be court-martialled and left to rot in the brig for the rest of my life?" She spoke casually, but the tension in her shoulders told the truth. "You're right, let's talk about the fucking hamster."

"Why Hackett?"

She was silent for a moment and he wondered if she was going to answer. "I talk to him sometimes. And…it seemed appropriate."

"You _talk_ to your hamster." He'd give one of the bars on his uniform for a vid of that.

"Anderson is going to be pissed." Shepard spoke into the silence that followed.

"About the hamster?"

Shepard tilted her head to glare up at him. "Aratoht."

"Probably." Hackett knew that a lot of people in the Alliance command were going to be _pissed_ about the incident.

"I think I'll blame it on being brainwashed while in a sexually induced haze." Shepard slid a hand up under the t-shirt that he was wearing.

"You are not cleared by the doc for that." He placed a hand over hers to stop the movement.

"It's your damn fault that I'm about to be locked up for life. You could at least send me to the brig with a smile on my face." She tried to move her hand but he held it still. "Oh fine. Maybe Alenko will be more obliging."

His hand tightened around hers. "Your entire body is covered in bruises."

"Use your imagination, _Admiral._ I'm sure that we can figure something out." Shepard grinned up at him.

* * *

 

**Chapter 9**

* * *

 

He was gone in the morning, on his way back to Arcturus to gather the fleets. They didn't say goodbye. Shepard put all her focus on getting the _Normandy_ ready to turn back over to the Alliance. She dropped most of the squad and crew off on the Citadel. She wouldn't risk their freedom as well. Doctor Chakwas and Joker were the only ones who remained. She could…should have sent Hackett a message, but she didn't.

She walked off the _Normandy_ to find Hackett and Anderson waiting for her in their dress blues. The Vancouver Bay to the left made it a beautiful back drop but she found no enjoyment in the situation. Hackett's presence explained why he'd left so quickly. A Lieutenant stepped towards her with cuffs in his hands. Shepard looked down at the cuffs and then at the Admirals.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She raised an eyebrow at them.

"Shepard." Anderson stepped forward. "Don't make this any more difficult than it needs to be."

"Difficult for whom?" Shepard glanced around the Admiral to meet Hackett's eyes. "Nice to see you, _Admiral."_

"Let's just get this over with Commander." Anderson moved a step closer.

She briefly considered fighting but a sudden movement from Hackett caught her attention. He grabbed the cuffs from the Lieutenant and tossed them into the water nearby.

"Put your hands behind your back, Shepard." He grabbed her wrists to make it appear that she was in the cuffs. "Keep pace with me."

"Admiral?"

"Lieutenant James Vega, meet Commander Shepard." Hackett started towards the Alliance buildings. "I'll escort her to the detention center."

"Hackett, we discussed this." Anderson did not look pleased.

"Are you under the impression that this is up for debate?" Hackett spared an angry glance at Anderson. "Are you under the impression that I answer to you? I will handle this."

"Fine by me." Vega stepped back with his hands held up.

"That was fucking sexy." Shepard muttered under her breath while Hackett led her into the brig.

His hand tightened around her wrists. "I'm sorry that you're going to have to take this hit."

Shepard shrugged, "I've got strong shoulders.

"There's an omni-tool hidden in your room. It's under the mattress. Don't get caught with it." Hackett kept his voice low. "I'll answer, any time of day. I promise."

She blinked rapidly until the threat of tears disappeared. "Thank you."

His thumb gently caressed the inside of her wrist before guiding her into her _home away from home._ He seemed reluctant to let go of her. Anderson coughed loudly and then the hands on her wrists were gone.

"How very grey." She moved further into the room.

"The Defense Committee will convene tomorrow at 0900. Be pressed and dressed." Anderson looked between her and Hackett. With a loud sigh, he stepped out of the room.

Shepard looked over to see Vega hovering by the door. "Is he a permanent fixture?"

"He is." Hackett placed a firm hand on her shoulder. "I picked him personally with Anderson. He'll keep you safe."

"Safe?" Shepard frowned at him. "I'm quite capable of defending myself."

"The batarians won't get the sacrificial lamb that they are hoping for. And we don't know what they'll try once they realize that we aren't handing you over to them. And you are unarmed. No weapons in the brig." Hackett's hand gripped her shoulder painfully. "I…"

With the Lieutenant in the room, there was no way that she could say what she was really thinking.

_Goddamn it._

"Hey Vega, you play poker?" Shepard asked while keeping her eyes on the Admiral.

"Of course," Vega grinned at her.

"Bring a deck of cards, some beer and pizza. I think it's going to be a long night." She didn't have the heart to argue with Hackett. Not with the obvious concern in his eyes.

"I'm leaving for Arcturus now." Hackett hesitated for a moment. "Lieutenant, give me the room."

"Sir?"

"Now, Lieutenant." Hackett waited until Vega was gone. He wrapped his arms tightly around the Commander. He released her and was gone without a word.

"I love you too, Hackett." Shepard muttered to herself.

After poker and beer, Vega left the Commander for the night. Shepard waited a couple of hours before looking for the hidden omni-tool.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Vancouver_

_To: Hackett_

_From: Shepard_

_02:00 S: Thanks for the omni-tool._

_02:15 H: Just don't get caught with it._

_02:17 S: I need to sleep. But I wanted to say thank you…for not letting them put fucking cuffs on me._

_02:18 H: Anytime._

_02:19 S: Hey Hackett?_

_02:21 H: Yes?_

_02:22 S: I love you._

_02:22 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

"You knowingly destroyed an entire Batarian system."

Shepard was going to lose her _goddamn_ mind if she heard that one more fucking time. It had been three fucking weeks of repetitive accusations from assholes who had probably never seen a minute of real battle. And it had been three lonely weeks without contacting Hackett. After her confession of love, she hadn't touched the omni-tool since.

 _Enough was enough_.

She stood up and started for the door.

"Commander Shepard, take your seat," Anderson ordered.

"What are you going to do Admiral? Strip me of my rank? Take my ship? Throw me in the brig?" She glanced over her shoulder at him. "Oh wait, you did that already. I'll be in my cell if you think of a new question."

Vega wisely left her alone once she was safely back in her room. She waited until it was late into the night to pull out the omni-tool again.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Vancouver_

_To: Hackett_

_From: Shepard_

_01:15 S: So…I had a great day._

_01:18 H: I heard._

_01:22 S: Oh._

_01:23 H: It's been three weeks, I was starting to worry._

_01:24 S: I…_

_01:26 H: You didn't give me a chance to respond._

_01:27: S: Ok?_

_01:29 H: I love you too._

_01:34 S: So who told you about today?_

_01:33 H: Anderson._

_01:34 S: Ahh._

_01:36 H: He wanted advice on how to keep you from storming out of the room again._

_01:38 S: What did you say?_

_01:40 H: Good luck._

_01:41 S: I'm sure he found that very helpful._

_01:43 H: How are you doing?_

_01:44 S: I'm fine._

_01:46 H: Are you sure about that?_

_01:47 S: Good night, Hackett._

_01:48 H: Shepard? What's wrong?_

_01:49 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

There was something off about the conversation. Hackett hadn't expected her to just bow to the pressure from the Defense Committee. Shepard was…Shepard. She'd fight tooth and nail against anything that she thought was an injustice. He worried about her.

* * *

 

_From: Admiral Anderson_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: Shepard._

_You have to try and talk to her._

_She can't keep storming out of the meetings. I can only threaten to throw her back in the brig, but she's already there._

_This is just making the situation worse._

_Anderson_

* * *

 

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Admiral Anderson_

_Subj: re: Shepard._

_Have you tried talking to her?_

_Actually talking, not threatening her?_

_Hackett_

* * *

 

_From: Admiral Anderson_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: re: Shepard._

_I've got my hands full trying to keep the wolves at bay._

_And she won't listen to me. When has she ever listened to me?_

_Anderson_

* * *

 

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Admiral Anderson_

_Subj: re: Shepard._

_I'll be in Vancouver in three or four days._

_Hackett_

* * *

 

_From: Admiral Anderson_

_To: Admiral Hackett_

_Subj: re: Shepard._

_There's something that you should know._

_The committee has resorted to cuffing her to the chair when they're questioning her._

_Anderson_

* * *

 

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_To: Admiral Anderson_

_Subj: re: Shepard._

_I'll be there tomorrow._

_Hackett_

* * *

 

"You haven't answered the question, Commander?"

Shepard hadn't bothered to learn any of their names. They were just the annoying voices that plagued her all goddamn day long. The cuffs had been a rather over-dramatic attempt to corral her ability to leave in the middle of one of their sessions. She tested the cuffs for what seemed like the hundredth time. When this was all over, she was going to find Anderson in a dark alley and beat the shit out of him.

_Bastards._

She wasn't sleeping well. It had been a few weeks since she'd contacted Hackett. She didn't want to know if he knew about the cuffs. Vega led her back to the detention center. He uncuffed her wrists. The Lieutenant didn't approve of the restraints. He'd been rather vocal about it when they were first introduced, but he was just a soldier following orders.

"You want to play poker, Commander?" He watched while she rubbed absently at her wrists.

She shook her head. "I've had enough games for one goddamn day."

"Dinner?"

"No thanks. Turn the lights out will you?" She lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Vega watched her for a moment but finally left when she refused to acknowledge his existence any further. He hit the lights on the way out.

The omni-tool was still hidden under her bed. She was about to reach for it when she heard the door open again.

"I'm not hungry, Vega. Go away." She covered her face with her pillow when the lights came back on.

Footsteps moved from the door over to the bed. The bed dipped slightly when someone sat on the edge of it beside her. _The fuck was James doing?_ The pillow moved away from her face and she blinked in the bright light for a moment. That wasn't James.

"Hackett?"

He reached out to grab her wrist. He turned it from side to side, looking at the slight marks that had been left when she tried to struggle out of the cuffs the first time. "This is going to stop, now."

"Good luck with that." She frowned at him in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"You need me," he shrugged.

"What about the fleet? One soldier isn't more important than preparing for the reaper invasion." She watched his fingers caress around her wrist.

"A day or two isn't going to make that much difference." He reached out with his other hand to run a finger along her jawline. "And for the record, you are that goddamn important to me."

She scooted back on the bed until she was in a seated position. "Anderson sent you a message."

Hackett nodded, "he was worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"You lost weight." His fingers moved along her neck and across her collarbone. "Let me take you to dinner."

"Dinner?"

"Did I stutter?" He stood and gently lifted her off the bed and set her on her feet.

"How?"

"Do you think I have all these bars on my uniform for nothing?" He tucked her hand into his arm and started for the door.

Vega offered a salute when they walked past. Hackett led her out of the Alliance building and compound. They strolled in silence down by the bay. It was a beautiful evening. The sun was just setting and it bounced off the ripples in the water. She breathed in deeply, enjoying the fresh air for the first time in what seemed like years. There was a large yacht in the distance. She'd seen regular boats from her window on occasion but not one like this. It was beautiful. She'd never been much for sailing on the water. Her kind of ship came with an FTL drive.

The Admiral led her down to the docks towards the boat that she had been admiring. "I borrowed this from a good friend of mine. Anderson was worried about taking you on a space-flying vessel. This was the best compromise that I could find."

"It's a boat." She almost tripped as she stepped on it.

"They do still make seafaring vessels, Commander." He smiled at her.

"I know. I've spent my whole life in space, Hackett. I don't think I've ever been on one of these." She let him guide her towards the back deck where a table was set for two. "What is all this?"

"Our third date?" He helped her into her chair and then sat across from her. A chef appeared out of nowhere to set plates of food in front of them. Food that _did not look_ like it came from a fucking military canteen. "I thought this might improve your appetite."

She looked down at the plate and the candles on the table. She glanced over at the last rays of the setting sun. The stars were starting to twinkle overhead. She turned back to Hackett who was watching her carefully.

"You are so getting laid tonight." She winked at him.

* * *

 

**Chapter 10**

* * *

 

Hackett watched Earth fall. He sacrificed the Second Fleet to salvage the rest of the fleets. Vancouver had been hit hard. The comm channels were sketchy at best.

_Where was she?_

The world went to hell in a manner of seconds. He had his comm specialist try to reach the _Normandy_ over the secondary QEC _. Nothing._ He told her to keep trying every few minutes. If she was alive, the odds are that she would have made her way to her ship.

"I've got the _Normandy_." The young specialist drew his attention back towards the comm.

"Shepard? Commander?"

The connection wasn't a strong one. He had no idea how much she was receiving and he couldn't hear anything from the other side.

"Are you reading this, Commander?" Hackett felt the anxiety in his chest ease a little when her voice finally came through.

"…heading to the Citadel." Her voice was distorted and delayed. "Anderson…behind…to gather…"

"I need you to head to the Mars facility. Doctor T'soni's been looking at the prothean archives." He couldn't say what he needed to say over an unsecure channel. She wouldn't hear most of it anyway.

"I've lost the connection, Sir." The Comm Specialist fiddled with the terminal. "Should I keep trying?"

"No. Just let me know when the comms are more stable." Hackett headed to his quarters to start going over the reports. It was time to regroup. They had a goddamn war to win.

A few hours later, he spoke with Shepard again. They now had to deal with not only the reapers but Cerberus as well. Major Alenko had been hurt. He felt an uncomfortable twinge of jealousy at Shepard's concern over the man. It wasn't until after she'd met with the council that he finally got a private moment with her. She was on the terminal in her quarters when she finally sent him a comm request.

"Hi." She gave him a tired smile. "I was worried about you."

"Me?"

"We flew through a goddamn debris field on the way off Earth." Shepard rubbed a hand across her eyes. "I didn't know if it was the whole fleet or…"

"It was most of the Second Fleet. I sacrificed them to save the rest." Hackett felt the loss intensely.

"Hopefully, the information from Mars will make the difference." Shepard looked to the right. "Alenko's still in surgery. I'm heading to Menae now to pick up the Primarch."

"I'm sure the Major will pull through." Hackett tried to ignore the flash of jealousy but his jaw tightened.

"I don't believe it." The tired look on the Commander's face disappeared, she grinned at him. "Admiral Hackett, are you jealous?"

"I am not." He frowned at her.

"Yes, you are." Her grin widened then disappeared. "You've got nothing to worry about. He made his opinion of me quite clear on Mars before he got headed by the Cerberus bitch."

"What did he say this time?" Hackett went from jealousy to anger rather swiftly.

"He accused me of knowing that Cerberus was going to be on Mars." Shepard sighed very deeply. "Like I would betray the Alliance? Like I'd betray you?"

"He's an idiot." Hackett would have to resist the urge to deck the Major the next time that he saw the man.

"I did work with Cerberus." Shepard's voice held an edge of doubt.

"You have _never_ betrayed the Alliance. If anything, we let you down." Hackett spoke firmly. It was important for Shepard to listen and believe what he was saying. "Don't let Alenko get in your head. You've always been Alliance blue to the core."

She turned to the side but he caught a glimpse of the tears in her eyes. "Thank you for that."

"Shepard?"

She cleared her throat before turning back towards the comm. "Yes?"

"I have to use you and the _Normandy_ as the tip of the spear. I don't have to like it." Hackett hated this part of being in charge. "I love you, Shepard."

"I love you, too." She winked at him and t hen disappeared from the screen.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Elysium_

_To: Hackett_

_From: Shepard_

_19:17 S: I've got two hundred credits that says Wrex decks the Primarch before this is all over._

_19:21 H: Keep them calm. We need both forces._

_19:22 S: I'm doing my best._

_19:24 H: I understand that there was an incident at Huerta Memorial._

_19:26 S: An incident? Really?_

_19:28 H: Shepard._

_19:31 S: Alenko and I had a slight…disagreement._

_19:33 H: A disagreement?_

_19:36 S: He assumed…we…it was quickly resolved._

_19:37 H: What did Major Alenko assume?_

_19:42 S: That he still had a chance with me._

_19:43 S: I probably should have let him down a little more gently._

_19:44 H: What did you tell him?_

_19:46 S: I told him the truth…well…part of it._

_19:47 S: I said that I was in love with an amazing man who never once doubted me. I might have also said that he could never even come close. I left out your name._

_19:48 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

Shepard wasn't sure why she logged out of the chat. Seconds stretched out into minutes, she started at the terminal. _Call him._ Her inner coward refused to let her lift a finger. She jumped in surprise when the damn thing chirped at her.

_Vid-comm request from Hackett._

"What the hell was that?" Hackett asked the moment that she answered.

"An accident?" She really wanted to see Hackett in person.

"Shepard?"

"I'm heading out to check on Grissom Academy. I want to make sure that David Archer is ok. Then I need to meet with Aria on the Citadel." She changed the subject. This was war and there was no time for her needs. "I'll follow-up with you after we figure out what's going on with the academy."

She disconnected before he could argue with her. Shepard wasn't all that surprised to find Cerberus trying to kidnap the students at the academy. She was surprised to find Jack _teaching_ students. _What could possibly go wrong with that?_ She finished with her meeting with Aria a few hours later. She headed over to the Embassy next to check the Spectre office terminals.

She was stepping out of the office and looked up to find Hackett exiting Udina's office. She couldn't quite hide the smile when she locked eyes with him. The look on his face said that this was a planned meeting.

"What a _surprise,_ Admiral? I didn't expect to find you on the Citadel." Shepard stood awkwardly in the hallway trying to figure out how to touch him without touching him. _It was sadly not possible_. "I…"

Hackett leaned in a little closer to her. "I was hoping to go over some of the latest reports on the invasion with you. I'm borrowing one of the offices of the ambassador. Do you have a moment?"

Shepard followed him through the embassy into one of the offices. "Where are the reports?"

He backed her up against the wall once the door had closed. His hand reached up to lower the zipper on her hoodie. Then his hands slid along stomach to grip her sides. He pressed his lips against hers and his tongue slowly began to tease her lips apart.

"I just needed to see you." He whispered when he paused to take a breath.

Shepard reached down under his shirt to glide up his chest. "Just see me?"

"Wall or desk?" His mouth hovered inches from hers.

"Both."

"I like the way you think, Shepard."

* * *

 

**Chapter 11**

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Tuchanka_

_To: Hackett_

_From: Shepard_

_22:00 S: My armor is covered in fucking dust._

_22:01 S: I feel like a fucking miner._

_22:06 H: Need some help washing off?_

_22:07 S: Teleportation isn't a viable travel option yet._

_22:09 H: I understand that you're curing the genophage in the morning._

_22:11 S: With the Turian bomb situation under control, we need to get the Krogan on Palaven._

_22:13 H: Good work on Benning, by the way._

_22:14 S: I did not message you to talk about fucking work._

_22:15 H: Oh?_

_22:16 S: We never did make it to the desk._

_22:21 H: Next time._

_22:23 S: I've got a really nice desk in my quarters._

_22:24 S: And a bed, and a couch and a shower._

_22:26 H: Is that an invitation?_

_22:28 S: More of an observation._

_22:29 H: So, not an invitation?_

_22:30 S: I have an idea._

_22:31 H: How much of an inter-species incident will it cause?_

_22:32 S: Oh ye of little faith. Are you in your quarters?_

_22:33 H: Yes._

_22:35 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

Hackett frowned at the closed chat until a beep on his omni-tool let him know a vid-comm request was incoming. He answered it to find Shepard standing in very dusty armor. He could see her bathroom door open with the shower running behind her. She must be standing in front of her terminal.

"That's a lot of dust." He relaxed back in his recliner. "So what's this great idea?"

"You'll see." She grinned at him, then stepped back a little from her terminal.

"Shepard?"

"Patience, Hackett, patience."

He watched her reach up to unbuckle her armor piece by piece. She tossed them to the left. Next, she grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it slowly over her head. Her fingers hovered over the top of her cargo pants.

"What _are_ you doing, Shepard?" Hackett asked.

She paused with her fingers on the zipper of her pants. "Taking a shower?"

"A shower."

Her pants were thrown on top of the armor. Hackett had a great view of Shepard in nothing but a bra and panties. She stretched her arms back to undo the snap on her bra. She let it drop to the floor. She turned around and bent over to slide her underwear down as well.

"You'll go blind doing that." Shepard chuckled when she looked over her shoulder a few seconds later.

"Then you shouldn't put on such a damn good show." Hackett watched her step into the shower and start soaping up her body.

_It was a damn good night._

* * *

 

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: Ideas._

_Might have been the best one yet._

_Also, genophage cured._

_And in other news:_

_Thresher Maws 1_

_Reapers 0_

_Heading to the Citadel. It turns out Udina might be more of a sneaky bastard than we thought._

_Shepard_

* * *

 

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: Ideas_

_I have a few of my own._

_Keep me updated on Udina._

_Hackett_

* * *

 

Six hours later, Shepard waited anxiously in front of her private terminal for Hackett to answer.

"Did we miss something in the debrief with Anderson?" Hackett sounded…busy. _Distracted._

"Uh. No."

He turned his full attention to her. "Why do you look nervous?"

"The _Normandy_ has a new crew member." Shepard considered a repeat of the shower show as a distraction.

"Oh?"

"Major Alenko." She waited to see how he would respond.

"That's interesting." Hackett's face was unreadable. _Bastard._

"I can use his biotics." Shepard hesitated for a brief moment. "I can send him on to that other position that you offered him if you prefer?"

"I can't…" Hackett seemed to be considering it for a moment. "Don't ask me questions that I can't afford to answer."

"What?"

"An honest answer would probably make me a bad Admiral and an even worse…" He seemed to be having trouble finding the right word.

"There's absolutely nothing between Kaidan and I." Shepard wished they were together. Sometimes, things needed to be said in person, where she could actually touch him.

"I need to finish this report. Hackett out."

Shepard stared at the dark terminal.

_Well, he took that well._

She didn't talk to him for a few days. She was too busy trying to track down whatever the hell Leviathan was. It wasn't until she was trapped in the middle of the goddamn ocean that she realized, maybe she should've tried message him at some point.

"Are you sure about this, Shepard?" Alenko asked.

Vega and Alenko were watching as Cortez prepped the Titan for her dive. She wasn't sure about it. But she didn't have many options. She just nodded at him. There was something that she needed to do before she left.

"Give me a minute." She headed towards the far corner of the platform for a little privacy. She prayed to the gods that her comm would work when she sent off a request to Hackett.

"Shepard?" He appeared a few minutes later. "Where the hell are you?"

"Temporarily stranded on Despoina, and no, the _Normandy_ can't try a pick up. Something is causing ships to crash land." Shepard glanced over her shoulder to find Alenko watching her intently. _Nosy bastard._

"What's going on, Shepard? You didn't just call to tell me that you're trapped." Hackett drew her attention back to him.

"I'm going to try to find Leviathan. I think it's the only chance that we have to get off this fucking planet." Shepard didn't want to tell him how she was going to find the thing.

"And finding it involves?"

"Diving in an untested Titan." She heard Cortez over the sound of the waves letting her know that it was ready to go. "I have to go. I just wanted to…shit. I'll talk to you when I get back. If I…nevermind."

"Shepard?"

She shut down the connection before she could say anything stupid. He tried to reach her again; the beeps on her omni-tool were annoying as hell until she reached a depth that the comms stopped working.

It was Kaidan who dragged her back on the shuttle out of the way of the brutes. He knelt beside her while Cortez flew them back towards the _Normandy_. She was fucking exhausted. Her omni-tool told her that they'd been stuck down there for a good five hours. It hadn't seemed like that long. She told Joker to head for the Citadel. Traynor started to tell her something but Shepard just trudged into the elevator and hit the button for deck one.

She found Hackett pacing the floor in her quarters. She lifted her hand to try to scrub the dried blood from her face before he could see it. _Too late._ He pushed her hand away from her face and lifted her chin to get a better look.

"I've read the report on what happened down there. I also listened in on the comms when your squad fought off the reapers forces while trying desperately to reach you." Hackett pulled her into the bathroom to grab a washcloth to gently clean the blood from her upper lip.

"You wanted me to follow up on Leviathan." She grabbed the cloth from his hand and stepped back out of the shower.

Hackett followed her out. He leaned back against her desk. He didn't get a chance to respond because there was a knock on her door. Shepard stepped over to find Alenko on the other side. _Oh. Fuck._ Kaidan walked around her into her quarters without waiting for an invitation. He stopped dead at the sight of the Admiral.

"Admiral?" Alenko looked first at the man in front of him and then back at Shepard. "What is he doing in your cabin?"

"I could ask you the same damn question, Major." Hackett appeared quite calm about the whole thing.

Both men turned towards Shepard. Who for the first time in her career was thankful when Joker interrupted the conversation to let her know that they had reached the Citadel.

"We'll finish our conversation later." Hackett acknowledged the salute the two gave him and left the room.

Kaidan gave her a suspicious glance. "Why was Admiral Hackett in your quarters?"

"We _were_ having a conversation about Leviathan." It was mostly the truth. "Was there something that you needed, Kaidan?"

"There's this restaurant on the Citadel that apparently still has steak. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me. A date?" He looked so hopeful that she almost said yes.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan. I'm not free to date." She gently ushered him towards the door. "Now come on, we've apparently got shore-leave while the _Normandy_ gets a few needed repairs."

"Why aren't you free to date?" Alenko asked when they were in the elevator heading to the CIC.

"I already told you that I was in a relationship." She was _not_ having this conversation with him. If Hackett didn't want their relationship in the open, then she couldn't afford for Alenko to figure it out.

"With whom?"

"None of your goddamn business," Shepard muttered. She stormed out of the elevator the minute the doors opened. "Traynor, I'll be at Tiberius Towers if anyone needs me."

_Fucking shore-leave._

_She needed a goddamn fucking nap is what she needed._

Anderson's apartment was swanky. She'd barely started to explore it when a chime at the door let her know she had a visitor. If it was Alenko, she was going to strangle him. Or maybe, she'd drown him in the goddamn hot tub. It wasn't Alenko.

"Are you planning to invite me in?" Hackett asked.

"I'm thinking about it." She grinned at him.

"I'm thinking about that piano over there."

She reached out to grab him by the shirt and dragged him inside. "I'm done thinking."

* * *

 

**Chapter 12**

* * *

 

Shepard stepped into her apartment with Joker, Vega, Wrex and Brooks on her heels, only to find Liara and _Hackett_ waiting for her. She moved over to stand near the piano, a puddle forming around her boots. _Fucking aquarium._ She told Liara to get to work trying to find out who the fuck was behind the attack while she headed upstairs to find a dry set of clothes. Hackett followed close behind.

"First, I don't know what the hell is going on." She remarked over her shoulder before he could ask. "And second, yes, I did have to fall through the goddamn fish tank. I wasn't given a choice."

"So sushi with Joker turned out to be a bad idea?" Hackett leaned against the door-frame, watching her change into a dry set of fatigues.

"Shepard? We found something." Liara's voice drifted upstairs.

Shepard sighed and headed downstairs while Hackett made a discrete exit. Apparently, he had plans. _Men._ Fifteen minutes later, Shepard had _plans_ of her own. Hers involved being strapped into the most uncomfortable dress and shoes to sneak Brooks into a casino. Alenko strolled along beside her. She hoped to hell that Hackett wasn't anywhere nearby. This would be tough to explain.

"We've got a security guard incoming." Alenko sounded panicked.

The hack hadn't finished yet.

"I need more goddamn time," Shepard muttered.

Before she could think of something, Alenko spun her around. He pulled her tightly against him and began leading her in a slow dance. As distractions went, it wasn't the worst idea. The hack finished a moment later and Kaidan reluctantly let her go. She shoved him away from her. She turned to figure out where the other location was and locked eyes with Hackett across the casino.

_Oh, bugger._

By the time that she got across the room, the Admiral was gone. Shepard barely managed to restrain herself from gut-checking Alenko with her fist. _The goddamn bastard._ Once they finished at the casino, they headed back to her apartment. She tried to reach Hackett via the vid-comm and chat, he didn't respond. Her one message attempt was rejected.

And then she was too goddamn busy chasing her fucking clone through the damn archives to think about her relationship. She took Alenko and Vega with her to the _Normandy._ She raced towards the airlock only to find Hackett and Traynor in heated conversation. The Admiral glanced up at her with pure rage in his eyes.

_That was definitely not a happy to see her look._

_What the fuck had the clone said to him_.

She took a step back when he started towards her. "I think…"

"You three, turn your goddamn comms off, _now._ " He didn't wait to see if the three obeyed. He simply grabbed Shepard by the collar and dragged her out of hearing range. He kept his hand firmly on her armor. "We need to have a little _chat_ , Commander."

_It was never good when he started with her rank._

"There's something that you..." She tried to explain but he shook her by the armor a little to shut her up. _Or not, clearly, he meant a one-sided conversation._

"Now, I want you to explain to me where the hell you get off trying to accuse me of using my position of authority to seduce you. You fucking threaten me? Me? Threaten to ruin my career? I was under the impression that this was a _mutual_ attraction." He poked the front of her armor with his finger. "Not to mention the fact that you were slow-dancing with Major Alenko in the middle of a charity event that you _claimed_ was mission related."

"I…"

"Answer me goddamn it."

"Stop yelling at me and I will." She glared at him.

He shook her once again and then he stopped to actually look at what she was wearing. "How the hell did you change your armor so fast? It's not even the same color or type. And where'd that scratch on your cheek come from?"

"Can I say something without you rattling my brain around?" She gave him a tired look and waited for his response, but none came. _That must be a yes._ "That was my clone. Cerberus made a clone in case they needed to harvest organs. The clone has apparently gone rogue and decided to try to take over my life."

"A clone."

"Yes. A fucking clone." Shepard watched him try to process that. "And as for the dance, Alenko was just trying to help me avoid detection. We were hacking a security system at the casino. I'm sorry about that. It wasn't my idea."

"So…you don't want to end this?" He motioned between them.

She rolled her eyes. "Of course not, but first, I need to get the fuck on my ship and kill the goddamn bitch. Are you wearing armor?"

Hackett released his hold on her collar. "I do own armor. And I'm coming with you."

"Oh hell no. The last thing I need is for you to get hurt." Shepard shook her head.

"Commander, that wasn't a request." He headed back towards the airlock.

"Major, give me that rifle." Hackett didn't take no for an answer. Alenko tossed his weapon to the Admiral. "Let's go."

"You really are a demanding fucker." She muttered under her breath before using Traynor's fucking toothbrush to break into her _own_ ship.

"I heard that." He nudged her in the back with his rifle.

"Get that rifle off my ass." She glared back at him and then had to muffle her laughter against her gauntlet when it registered what she'd said. She almost fell over laughing.

"Focus, Lola, focus." James shook his head.

She wasn't laughing minutes later when she was dangling high above the fucking Citadel. She glanced over at her clone that was in the same exact position. She was tempted to kick the bitch but any sudden movement would likely send her plummeting to her death. And that would be bad. A hand covered hers and yanked her back on the ship.

"Not this fucking time." Hackett pulled her back away from the edge.

Shepard tried to help her clone but the woman fell backwards to her death. She let Vega deal with Brooks while EDI turned the _Normandy_ back towards the dock. She turned back to Hackett while the others were distracted.

"Not this time?" She looked up at him in confusion.

"I'm not letting you get spaced twice." His hand was still tightly wrapped around her forearm.

_Alliance Commanders do not cry in the shuttle bay in their armor in front of their crew and the goddamn Admiral of the fucking Alliance fleets._

_That was not a tear._

She tried to think of something funny to lighten the mood but settled for biting the inside of her cheek to keep the tears in her eyes from falling. She turned away from him to hide them. He wasn't going to let her off that easily though. He twisted her back around and held her chin with his free hand. He pulled her into a hug when he caught sight of the tears.

He eased the visor from her head gently and tossed it on one of the nearby crates. He pulled off his gauntlets and set them beside the helmet. His fingers brushed away the tears and ran gently over the scrape on her cheek. He leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her lips. _In front of half of her goddamn crew._ She heard applause that she would bet a hundred credits came from Vega.

Hackett stepped back, but his hand stayed on her arm. She glanced around to find that Alenko was _not_ applauding.

"I'm not a teenager, Shepard. I refuse to hide behind closed doors for the sake of my rank. And that boy needs to know that you aren't _available._ " Hackett shifted his arm so it was around her waist and all but dragged her over to the elevator. He paused to toss Alenko's rifle back to him. "Thanks for lending it to me. You should be careful letting things get away from you. Sometimes, you're too late to get them back."

"That was _subtle."_ She asked when they were inside the elevator and he hit the button for the second deck. "Are we going somewhere?"

"You have a hot tub."

"I do have a hot tub," Shepard nodded in agreement.

"We're not going to fucking make it to the hot tub." He muttered when the doors opened. His arm kept her from exiting the elevator and he hit first floor button.

"You have a desk."

"I do have a desk."

* * *

 

**Chapter 13**

* * *

 

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: Unreachable_

_I'm going to be…away…for a few hours or more._

_I'll fill you in when I get back._

_Shepard_

* * *

 

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: Unreachable_

_Or, you could fill me in now so I don't worry myself to death?_

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: Unreachable_

_Ok…it's been six hours._

_What are you away doing?_

_Hackett_

He received a response over ten hours later.

* * *

 

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: Back_

_Oleg Petrovsky is on his way to an Alliance Interrogation cell._

_You're welcome._

_Shepard_

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Tikkun System_

_To: Hackett_

_From: Shepard_

_01:27 S: Hackett?_

_01:37 H: Admiral Han'Gerrel has lodged a formal complaint._

_01:38 H: Something about a physical assault?_

_01:40 S: He deserved it._

_01:42 H: Undoubtedly._

_01:45 S: He tried to blow us out of the fucking sky while we were trying to save their goddamn civilians._

_01:47 H: I've told him that we'll look into the matter. Consider it looked into._

_01:50 S: Hackett?_

_01:51 H: Shepard?_

_01:53 S: Funny. What are the chances that you'll be visiting the Citadel soon?_

_01:54 H: No immediate plans. But I can make them._

_01:55 S: No, no, don't worry about it. It's nothing. I just…wondered._

_01:56 H: Did something happen on the dreadnought?_

_01:59 S: Aside from the quarians trying to blow me the fuck up?_

_02:01 H: Yes._

_02:07 H: Shepard?_

_02:13 S: No, nothing. You've got my report._

_02:15 H: What wasn't in the report?_

_02:17 S: The report is complete._

_02:19 H: It wasn't a very detailed mission brief._

_02:30 H: Are you still there?_

_02:32 S: It's late. I need some sleep._

_02:32 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

Hackett skimmed through the mission report. Shepard had taken Tali'Zorah and Lieutenant Vega with her on the geth ship. He sent a quick message to Vega. He needed to find out what the Commander had left out. He also sent an order to Joker to fly the _Normandy_ to the Citadel. He headed there himself.

* * *

 

_From: Lt. James Vega_

_To: Adm. S. Hackett_

_Subj: re: Geth Dreadnought._

_The Commander walked cross a busted up docking tube using mag boots._

_The tube had been shot to hell by the quarians. It fell out from under her feet just as she reached the other side._

_Shepard almost got spaced. I'm not sure we could've done a damn thing to reach her either._

_That's the only thing that wasn't in her report._

_Vega_

* * *

 

Shepard woke up the next morning to find the _Normandy_ docked at Bay D24. _What the fuck?_ Joker refused to explain why, just said that they were under direct orders to remain on the Citadel until further notice. She headed down to the CIC. There was a punching bag in her apartment that needed the shit beat out of it.

"Commander?" Traynor called her over when she stepped out of the elevator. "Admiral Hackett would like you to meet him at your apartment."

"Hackett?"

_Of course he would._

"Yes, Commander."

"You know where I'll be then." Shepard called over her shoulder while heading towards the airlock.

Hackett was already waiting for her when she got there. He followed her into the living room. The minute the doors closed, he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into a hug.

"Would you like to tell me why the hell _my ship_ was ordered to dock at the Citadel?" Shepard leaned back so she could glare at him.

"First, tell me about the docking tube on the dreadnought." Hackett sat on a nearby recliner and pulled her down into his lap.

"Nothing to tell," she shrugged. "I'd rather talk about the hot tub."

"Shepard."

"Ok fine, I don't want to _talk_ about it; I want to get in it." Shepard got up out of his lap. She walked up the stairs towards the bedroom slowly stripping out of her clothes. She tossed them back behind her. She was down to just her panties by the time she got to the top step.

"I'll be in the hot tub," she remarked casually. "And I'll be naked."

A couple of hours later, she shot out of his arms in the bed gasping for air, sweat mingling with tears on her face. Shepard dropped her head into her hands while she tried to regain control over her breathing. A quick glance through her fingers let her know that Hackett was not only awake but watching her in concern.

"So tell me about the docking tube?" Hackett moved behind her. He sat up and pulled her between his legs. She let her back rest against his chest. His arm wrapped around her waist.

"That's the wrong question." Shepard twisted to the right a little so that her head rested against his shoulder.

"What's the right one then?"

"What did the docking tube remind me of?" She lifted her fingers to toy with the line of grey hairs along his chest. "That's the right question."

"And what's the answer?"

"There's this moment that is etched in my mind forever. The second that I heard the oxygen start to leak from my suit." Shepard felt herself drawn back into her memories. She'd been struggling to avoid it for so long. "Up until that point, even with the fucking _Normandy_ exploding around me, I just kept thinking, I can't survive this. I'll just float around until rescue arrives. Joker sent out the mayday. The Alliance won't leave us to die. Hackett will…anyway…but then the fucking leak. And I knew. I just knew. That was it. There's no way in hell. And…it's like liquid fire being poured down your throat. The oxygen sucks out of your body and there's nothing left. And then…the empty, dark void."

"It reminded you of getting spaced." Hackett's arm pulled her closer. He was silent for a moment, and then, "you thought about me?"

"Yes, Admiral," she chuckled. "I was thinking about you…between trying to unfuck my fucked up suit. I was un-fucking-successful."

"Shepard?"

She looked up at him expectantly. "Yea?"

"You aren't alone anymore." His arms spun her around so that she was facing him. Her legs slid over his. "I'm here for you. If you need me, let me know."

Shepard pressed her face against his chest to hide the tears that sprung to her eyes. She took a few shuddering breathes to get control. Her hands rested on his shoulders. She lifted herself up to scoot closer to him. They were both still very naked and the movement brought her flush against him.

"I am definitely… _definitely_ …in need." Her legs tensed as she hovered just above him, teasing him.

"Are you trying to distract me, Shepard?" His hands drifted along her thighs.

"Trying?" She chuckled.

"Your legs seem a little…tense. You should take a seat." He applied enough pressure that she couldn't maintain her distance. "Let's see if we can't take care of all your needs."

* * *

 

**Chapter 14**

* * *

 

"Hey Joker." Shepard slid into the empty co-pilot seat; EDI was on the crew deck working with Liara. "There should be a set of new coordinates. I need our arrival in the system to be completely unnoticed by _everyone._ "

Joker glanced at his instrument panel. "Are you serious, Shepard?"

"Just get us there, Jeff, please." She leaned her head back and pretended to nap the whole way there.

On paper, the last few days had been a great success. They scored two fleets for the price of one. She faced a reaper on foot…and won. But all she could think about was the damn N7 armor patch on Legion's body.

_Does this unit have a soul?_

_Do we deserve death?_

They'd also rescued a team of former Cerberus scientist from Gellix. It should have been something to celebrate. But then Alenko had decided to bring up her connection to Cerberus again. The conversation had turned into a massive screaming match. Vega had intervened when it threatened to turn into a biotic brawl. Well, James had stepped in when Alenko hit Shepard with a throw. He'd stopped Shepard from shooting the Major in the head.

_Not her best day._

The Asari councilor wanted to meet with her on the Citadel but it would have to wait. Shepard had reached the limit of her ability to cope and she needed a break, even if it was just a short one. She also had to get Alenko off the ship before she killed the bastard. The solution became obvious once she talked Liara into getting the location of the Crucible. She could see Hackett and Kaidan could remove himself from the goddamn _Normandy_.

An hour or two later, she wandered around the makeshift labs trying to find the Admiral. She ran into Doctor Cole who pointed her in the right direction. She wrapped her knuckles on the door when she finally found it.

"Enter." A familiar voice spoke after a moment.

She hesitated before stepping into his office. She fidgeted with the pockets of her hoodie. Hackett's eyes were focused on a blueprint on his desk. She stood just inside the room for several minutes waiting for him to look up.

_He didn't_

_Of course._

"Hi."

His head shot up immediately. "Shepard?"

"I brought Major Alenko." She kept her gaze on his desk. "He…we…I can't have him on the _Normandy."_

"I did hear a rumor that there was an incident on the ship between you two." Hackett set the blueprint aside. "You could have put him on a transport."

"I…"

"Yes?"

"I wanted a reminder that I'm not…alone." She lifted her gaze to meet his.

Hackett watched her for a moment, and then moved around his desk towards her. He hooked a finger in her hoodie pocket to tug her into his arms. She kept her arms by her side when he hugged her close.

"What's wrong, Shepard?" He frowned down at her.

"I don't think that I can be the tip of the spear." She struggled mentally with the _ruthless calculus_ of war, especially when the deficits always seemed to be he friends. "I keep adding names to that damn memorial wall."

"You can do this."

"I don't really have a choice." She remarked ruefully. She let the Admiral hold her close for a while. "You have a very nice desk."

"It's a sturdy desk." Hackett chuckled.

"Is it?" Shepard moved back to glance at it with interest. She walked over to move aside the various datapads that covered the surface of Hackett's desk. She hopped up on it. "I believe that's a theory that deserves a thorough field test."

"Thorough?" Hackett made sure the door was sealed.

Shepard began to slowly remove her hoodie. "Very, very comprehensive."

An hour or so later, Shepard made her way back to the _Normandy_ with a grin on her face. The grin disappeared when she found Alenko waiting for her. _Shit._ She tried to step around him but he placed a hand on her arm. She glanced down at the hand and then up at him with an angry warning in her eyes.

"Vega dragged me off the _Normandy._ " Alenko shoved her up against the wall. "He threw my bag on the floor and told me that I wasn't welcome back on the ship. That I was being reassigned. I'm fairly confident that I outrank the Lieutenant, hell, I outrank you."

"It's my ship." Shepard shrugged.

"Are you kidding me?" Alenko was too close for her comfort. "What is it, hmm? You sleep with Admiral so you don't think you have to follow protocols anymore? Is that how you got your ship back?"

Shepard was stunned into silence for about half a second. Then she went from stunned to enraged. She slammed both hands into the Major's chest to get him out of her face. _Of all the fucking nerve._ They circled each other angrily for a moment, both showing telltale signs of their biotics. He struck first. The throw took her feet right out from under her.

It didn't take her long to get back to her feet. She should have just walked away. Instead, she launched herself at the Major. They ended up on the floor trading punches. She was rearing back to slam her fist into him when the sound of boots caught her attention.

"Commander Shepard." Hackett's voice caused her to raise her head up.

Alenko took advantage of the distraction to hit her right in the chest with another biotic throw. It sent Shepard flying into the nearby wall. She hit her head against the ceiling and landed in a heap on the floor. The power of the pulse had knocked the wind out of her. She lay hunched over gasping for air.

"You fucking coward." Vega started towards Alenko but Cortez got in front of him just in time.

"What the _hell_ is going on?" Hackett looked between the two officers on the floor.

Shepard was having trouble seeing straight and breathing so the fuckers could figure it all out for themselves. She managed to sit up with her back against the wall and tried to get her vision to clear. She had a feeling that she'd broken a rib or something given how bad breathing hurt. Alenko had the nerve to get to his feet like nothing was wrong.

"You ok, Lola?" Vega squatted in front of her. He held up his hand. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"I don't know, my eyes are closed." She choked on a laugh.

"Easy there, Lola. I think the doc needs to check out your ribs." Vega ran a tentative hand along her side.

"The doc is going to be pissed." Shepard winced when he hit a tender spot.

Vega glanced back at Hackett who was whispering angrily into the Major's ear. "I don't think it's the doc that you have to worry about, Lola."

Shepard titled her head to see around the mountain o' James. "Shit."

"How's your head?" Vega motioned for her to turn to the left so he could look at the back of her head. He touched her head with his hand and pulled it back covered in blood. "Well, shit."

"Can I just shoot him and get it over with?" She remarked caustically as James applied medi-gel to her head.

"Pendejo." Vega appeared to sympathize.

Shepard laughed and then grabbed her side. "Don't make me laugh, Vega."

"Sorry, Lola."

"Help me up." She grabbed his arm for support and slowly got to her feet. There was a smear of blood where her head had rested against the wall. She felt a surge of anger at Alenko but focused on trying to walk towards the _Normandy_.

"Not so fast, Commander." Hackett's order stopped her mid-step. Vega helped her turn around to face the Admiral. "Give us a moment, Lieutenant."

Vega gave her a concerned look but finally stepped around the Admiral and headed back on to the ship. Cortez followed the Lieutenant. Shepard looked around to find that Kaidan had also disappeared. It was probably a good thing.

"The Major tells me that he started the fight, he threw the first punch." Hackett glanced at the blood on the wall then back at Shepard. "How badly are you hurt?"

Shepard shrugged then immediately regretted it. "Nothing serious. I can still breathe and see straight…sort of."

Hackett rubbed his jaw for a moment. "Have the doc check you out and send me a report on your injuries. I'll decide what to do with the Major once I've seen it."

"Just let it go." Shepard started towards the ship slowly. "I'll let you know what Chakwas says."

"Good. And Commander?"

Shepard glanced back at him over her shoulder. "Yea?"

"I told you the desk was sturdy."

* * *

 

**Chapter 15**

* * *

 

_Is anyone on this frequency?_

_The whole zone is collapsing._

_What happened to Shepard?_

_I've got a reaper inbound._

_Please, is anyone there? Help us._

After setting a course for Horizon, Shepard spoke with the Asari councilor. She decided to rest in her quarters, but sleep, these days, always involved restless dreams and the voices of the lost. If she had to hear Thane or Mordin one more time, she might just bludgeon herself to death and be done with it. At 0300, her hand fumbled around until she found her omni-tool.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Horizon_

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_03:17 S: Hackett?_

_03:23 H: Going to Sanctuary?_

_03:25 S: It's the only damn lead we have on Kai Leng and Cerberus. I know you don't like it, but you know we are running out of options. We have to stop Cerberus so we can focus on the reapers._

_03:26 H: I know, Shepard. I trust your judgement._

_03:30 S: You know what the trouble with being the tip of the spear is? Statistically speaking, the tip usually breaks on the final stab._

_03:31 H: You always manage to buck the trend._

_03:33 S: Maybe._

_03:34 H: So what's keeping you up at 0300?_

_03:37 S: Thessia. You. Thessia. You. Mostly you._

_03:39 H: Thessia is definitely understandable. But why am I keeping you up?_

_03:41 S: Not you…so much as… us._

_03:42 H: Should I be worried?_

_03:43 S: No...I…it's not like that. I just…_

_03:44 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

Time was officially up for Shepard, Sanctuary turned out to be a giant torture chamber. If she'd had enough explosives, she would have blasted the fucking thing into space. But it did lead them straight to the Illusive Man's personal space station.

She'd been avoiding Hackett for the last two days. Since moving on Cerberus meant the final push to Earth, the _Normandy_ was making one last stop on the Citadel. She told the crew to enjoy a little bit of shore-leave, one last moment before they headed to join the war. For her part, Shepard decided to relax at her apartment. She stepped inside to find the Admiral sitting on _her couch._

"Hi." She headed over to the fridge to grab two of the beers that Vega had left the last time he'd come over to watch a game with Cortez. She handed one to Hackett. "So…"

Hackett set the beer aside. "So what is it about _us_ that keeps you awake at night?"

"I…" Shepard sank down on the couch beside him. "I don't know how to explain it."

"How about hypothetically?"

She grinned at him. "Ok, hypothetically, what happens if we defeat the reapers _and_ both of us manages by some miracle to survive?"

"Before or after we have sex on every available surface in your apartment?" Hackett glanced around the room. "There's at least one table that we haven't tried yet."

"After." Shepard had to swallow quickly to avoid spraying beer all over herself.

"I have a few ideas," Hackett remarked casually.

"Care to share?"

"Not yet, you'll just have to make sure that you come back to me alive." Hackett shook his head.

"Pendejo."

"Tell Vega to stop teaching you swear words." He took her beer and set it next to his.

"He's just so damn useful." Shepard glanced at the two bottles of beer and then at Hackett. "You know, there are three beds in this apartment."

"I was aware of that." Hackett's hand reached out to caress her knee.

"And we've been derelict in our duties to use all of them at least once. They might think we've picked favorites." Shepard stood and started to walk past him.

Hackett grabbed her by the waist and swung her back down on the couch underneath him. "Couch first."

* * *

 

**Chapter 16**

* * *

 

"Commander? Shepard?" Hackett had caught the tail end of her conversation with Anderson.

He waited anxiously to hear something, anything from her comm. The silence was worse than hearing her try unsuccessfully to save Anderson. There was a lot of death to put at the Illusive Man's feet, and he wasn't prepared to add hers to it.

"Shepard? The Crucible isn't working." He remembered back to the conversation that they had about their worst nightmares. He covered his face with his hands. "It's got to be something on your end. _Shepard!"_

"I don't see…" Shepard's voice trailed off.

"Goddamn it, Shepard. Talk to me?" Hackett could hear the labored breathing on the other end. He knew what that sound meant on a battle field. Shepard was fading and fading fast. He clenched his hands around the railing in front of him.

"Admiral?" One of the Lieutenants nearby called his attention to the viewing window. The Crucible was starting to light up.

"This is Admiral Hackett. Everyone out of the system, head to the rendezvous point. The Crucible is firing." He closed his eyes to keep from watching. He was leaving her to die.

He was leaving her all alone on that _goddamn_ station to die.

_Worst nightmares indeed._

The next few hours were unbearable. The reapers were slowly disintegrating around them. There were damaged relays to fix, though most of them were still functioning. The war was over. They had survived but at what cost? The _Normandy_ had already docked on the Citadel. It seemed impossible, but they were finding survivors but no sign of the Commander so far.

He joined the search eventually. When they found Anderson's body, but not hers, he was torn between hope and desolation. The dead body of the Illusive Man was a welcome sight. It looked like someone had emptied an entire thermal clip into his face. _Good job, Commander._

There were piles of rubble to clear away, and he needed to get back to organizing the fleets. Setting up a command post was a high priority, also. He left Major Coats in charge and headed back to his ship. He was climbing over one of the mountains of debris on what he thought might have been the old council chambers when a movement in the corner caught his attention.

"Major? Bring me a light." Hackett waited for the spotlight to guide him.

The rubble was shifting. He could see dust and rocks falling. He tried to tell himself not to hope for the impossible while he made his way carefully over to the source.

"This is Admiral Hackett of the Alliance Navy. Is there someone alive in there?" He raised his voice to carry across the room. _Silence._ "Can you knock on the debris? Make a sound, help us find you."

"Did you find someone?"

He turned back to find not only Major Coats but Lieutenant Vega and Garrus Vakarian from the _Normandy_. He shrugged at them, "I'm not sure."

They all strained to listen for any signs of life.

 _Nothing_.

And then, there was a scraping sound.

"Over there." Vega pointed to a spot to the left. He slid down towards the sound with the others following. He lifted up a pair of dogtags and tossed them towards Hackett." Admiral?"

Hackett glanced down at the N7 tags with Shepard's name. "Find her. _Find her now_."

They each took a section of the debris field and began painstakingly removing it piece by piece. If there was anyone alive underneath, they couldn't risk causing a second collapse by rushing the rescue. Hackett's hands were shaking with the effort not to just rip it all apart.

"Shepard? If you're under there, let me know." Hackett knew that time was limited if she was injured. "We need a direction. That's a goddamn order, Commander."

There was a cough and then, "checkmate."

He exchanged a look with Vakarian. They started moving faster. "Keep talking, Shepard."

"Did you…" There was a fit of coughing. "Did you find Anderson?"

"Yes." Hackett remembered the conversation that he'd overheard. "It wasn't your fault, Shepard. You couldn't have stopped the Illusive Man."

"I need you to keep talking to me, Shepard."

_Another coughing fit._

Vega pointed to a spot in the left quadrant of the debris field. They all moved towards it. He was covered in dust by the time that they got down to her. She didn't look good, holding a hand over an injury on her side. Her armor had melted off her body, and her fatigues were…well, she didn't look good.

"Get the goddamn medics here, now." Hackett lifted her gently out of the hole and set her on the closest thing to a flat surface that he could find. He didn't want to make anything worse. He applied medi-gel, but most of her serious injuries were probably internal and medi-gel wouldn't do squat for that. "I've got you, Shepard. You're safe."

She whispered something that he couldn't hear.

He bent forward to get his ear closer to her. "Could you repeat that?"

"At least this time, I get to say goodbye." Her whole body seemed to spasm for a moment. "I love you."

He started to respond only to realize that she'd stopped breathing. "Oh, no. _No._ _Shepard_!"

Vega dropped to his knees on the other side of the Commander.

"C'mon." Hackett began doing chest compressions. He paused to breathe into her mouth before doing another set of compressions. "Goddamn it, c'mon Shepard. _Breathe_. Just fucking breathe."

He was about to start the CPR again when she started to gasp for air.

_Oh thank the gods._

"We need to get her to the hospital." Vega pointed towards the incoming medics.

"You stay with us, Shepard." Hackett let the medics lift her gently on a gurney and followed them all the way down to Huerta. He stopped only when the doctors shoved him out of surgery.

* * *

Shepard hated waking up in hospitals. She hated waking up in empty rooms. She glanced around to find her omni-tool sitting on a nearby table. It took a tremendous amount of effort to shift around on the bed enough to grab it.

According to the reports from ANN, the reapers were gone. The relays had somehow managed to survive the blast from the Crucible. Admiral Hackett appeared to be splitting his time between the Citadel and Earth. The date on the most recent news report indicated that she'd been out of it for more than seven days. It was 0300 which explained why the room was empty and dark.

She stretched a little on the bed. Her fingers and toes and limbs all seemed to be working just fine. She was a little stiff, but if she'd been in a comatose state for a week that wasn't a huge surprise. The chair sitting by her bed caught her attention. She had a vague memory of waking up to find Hackett there before passing out again. Maybe it had been a dream.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Citadel_

_To: Hackett_

_From: Shepard_

_03:11 S: So…I'm awake._

_03:18 H: Don't move._

_03:19 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

_Where the hell was she going to go?_

Hackett wasn't the first person to step into the room. Doctor Michel stepped inside to check her vitals. The doctor seemed pleased with how she was doing. She even removed the fucking tubes and wires from Shepard's body which made her happy. Hackett arrived just as the doctor was leaving.

He sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his own. He seemed to be struggling for words so Shepard waited in silence. "I left you on the station to die. I ordered the fleets to leave the system, and left you to die."

Shepard stretched out a hand to touch one of the tears on Hackett's face. "Wasn't that the plan?"

Hackett surged off the bed towards the window behind Shepard's bed.

"Hackett?" She watched him with concern. His shoulders were taut with tension. "I'm still here, I'm alive."

"Don't you understand, I left you to die."

"I'm not supposed to move, so if you don't come back over here, I'm going to make the doctors very, very angry." Shepard spoke to his turned back, but he stayed where he was.

Pushing the blanket away, she slowly began the process of moving off the bed. Her limbs all seemed to be working which was an added bonus. It took her damn near five minutes to get off the bed and across the room. It wasn't until she placed her hands on his back that he seemed to realize that she'd moved.

"Shepard…"

She placed her hand over his mouth. "Enough. You did your job. And I did my job. And for once in my goddamn career, it was enough. Maybe it wasn't enough to save Anderson, but enough to stop the reapers and Cerberus once and for all. I survived because I had someone waiting for me. I had someone to live for. So stop beating yourself up and hold me goddamn it."

"I love you, Shepard." His arms wrapped around her almost immediately.

"I love you." She rested her head against his chest. "So do you really see us skipping off into the sunset, happily ever after?"

"Why not?"

Shepard thought about what she'd just said, and then began to shake with silent laughter.

"Stop picturing me skipping, damn it." Hackett ordered.

"I'm trying, and failing." She snorted.

"Damn it."

* * *

 

**Chapter 17**

* * *

 

Six months post the end of the reaper war, Shepard and the _Normandy_ were busy trying to regulate the merc forces who no longer had reapers to keep them out of trouble. Hackett was on the newly rebuilt Arcturus station. The Alliance leadership and fleets had recovered impressively quickly.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Location: Omega_

_22:45 S: My mom is headed to Arcturus in a few days._

_22:46 H: I know._

_22:47 S: At some point, she's going to find out that we're…involved._

_22:49 H: You haven't told her yet?_

_22:50 S: Oh sure. 'Hey mom, I'm dating Admiral Hackett.' And then she's going to yell. Yelling will be involved._

_22:51 H: Commander Shepard, are you afraid of your mother?_

_22:52 S: Stop laughing or I'll make you tell her._

_22:53 H: I'm not afraid of your mother._

_22:54 S: You should be._

_22:55 H: Are you ashamed of us…me?_

_22:56 S: Of course not._

_22:58 H: Then?_

_23:04 S: I need a vacation._

_23:05 H: In general? Or from me?_

_23:06 S: WITH you, not from you._

_23:08 H: Ahh, good. How about a game of chess?_

_23:11 S: How about we get married?_

_23:19 H: Married?_

_23:26 S: I…that wasn't…I need to go die now._

_23:26 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

Hackett found himself chuckling at the closed chat. He missed Shepard. Rebuilding Earth, the fleets and civilization in general, it took a lot of time and effort. It had taken all of his time lately. He wanted Shepard closer. It had been damn near a month since he'd seen her last.

* * *

 

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: New orders_

_Head to Arcturus._

_I have intel for you along with your next mission._

_Hackett_

* * *

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: re: New orders_

_You are up to something._

_What is it?_

_Shepard_

* * *

 

_From: Hackett_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: re: New orders_

_I'm hurt by your overly suspicious nature._

_Hackett_

* * *

 

_From: Shepard_

_To: Hackett_

_Subj: re: New orders_

_We'll be on Arcturus tomorrow._

_And I am well aware of your 'diversionary tactics'._

_Shepard_

* * *

 

Shepard wanted to head to Arcturus immediately but she needed to meet with Miranda on the Citadel. Doctor Michel and Miranda had been analyzing a series of test results and scans from Shepard's time in the hospital after the war. When her meeting was over, she wandered around the Citadel in a daze.

_She was barren._

_No children…ever._

No concrete reason was given, or it was, but the medical jargon went over her head. It didn't matter, it all led to one thing, she would never have children. She decided it was completely logical to blame Cerberus and the reapers. It was also completely logical to fly to Tuchanka and steal Wrex's ryncol.

It was how she ended up drunk chatting with Hackett at 0200.

* * *

 

_Inter-Relay Text Chat_

_Location: Tuchanka_

_To: Hackett_

_From: Shepard_

_02:03 S: Be on Arcturus tomorrow, a day late, sorry._

_02:09 H: Is everything ok?_

_02:11 S: It'll be great once the room stops spinning._

_02:13 H: Did Wrex let you have some of his ryncol again?_

_02:15 S: It's good shit._

_02:17 H: Go sleep off the good shit, I'll see you tomorrow._

_02:18 User has disconnected._

* * *

 

Shepard did make it to Arcturus the following day. But instead of heading over to see Hackett, she stopped off at the Officer's lounge. He found her sitting at the bar trading stories with the bartender. She smiled up at him when he took a seat beside her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked while he ordered a drink.

"About what?"

"Whatever it is that you found out on the Citadel?" He gave her a shrewd glance.

Shepard was about to respond when a familiar voice drew her attention. She scanned the room before finally finding the source. "Mom?"

Her mother looked up from where she was standing with several members of her crew. She headed over to pull Shepard into a hug. "It's good to see you, sweetheart."

"You too. I thought you weren't docking on Arcturus until Friday?" Shepard felt Hackett watching intently.

Hannah started to answer when she caught sight of Hackett. "Admiral Hackett, I didn't see you there."

"Admiral Shepard." He waved off her salute. "Just enjoying a drink with the Commander."

Her mom looked from the Admiral to her daughter with a perceptive glance. "Is there something that you want to tell me, sweetheart?"

"I…" Shepard felt like she'd immediately regressed to a teenager. _Shit._ "I…we've…Hackett's...help."

"What your daughter is trying to say is that we've been seeing each other for a while now," He placed his hand on the small of Shepard's back with a chuckle.

"Seeing each other?" Hannah seemed to mull that over for a moment. "But you're…"

"I'm?" Hackett prompted.

Hannah ignored him and turned towards her daughter again. "How in the hell did you not tell me that you were seeing Admiral Hackett? And what about grandchildren? I want grandchildren and he's my age."

Shepard covered her face with her hand. _This was not going well._ "Mom, take a breath."

"I will not. How are you going to have kids with someone his age? He probably…"

"STOP." Shepard cut her mother off mid-sentence. "I can't have children."

"What?" Her mother stammered at the same exact time as Hackett .

"I can't…they…the one damn thing that Cerberus didn't bother to fix when they resurrected me apparently was my ….I just can't have children." Shepard shoved her mother out-of-the-way and fled the bar.

She found herself at one of the small gardens that had been created on the station. She sat on a bench in front of a memorial fountain set up to those who had died on the original Arcturus. A moment later, Hackett took a seat beside her. He wrapped an arm around her. She leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Is that what the visit to the Citadel was about?" He inquired.

"Yes."

"Were you going to tell me?" He gripped her shoulder tightly.

"Eventually," she shrugged.

"Your mother said that she'd speak with you later." Hackett informed her.

"Wonderful."

"How about a game of chess?" He stood and pulled her up onto her feet with him.

"Sure."

Shepard's mind wasn't in the game. It wasn't much of a surprise when Hackett had her at checkmate within thirty minutes. She sighed in annoyance, mostly with herself. He started to reset the board for another game.

"It's your move, Shepard." He brought her attention back to the chessboard.

She glanced down to decide which pawn to move first when a glint from the top of her king caught her attention. She picked it up to find a slender gold ring with single diamond overlaid in intricate gold design of the Alliance crest. She stared stupidly at it for several minutes before looking up to find that Hackett had moved from his chair to kneel in front of hers.

He took the ring from her hand, and held it between his thumb and forefinger. "How about we get married?"

Shepard chuckled when he repeated her question from a few days ago. "Will you let me win a damn game if I say yes?"

"Not a chance." He slid the ring on her finger when she held her hand out.

* * *

 

**Chapter 18**

* * *

 

Shepard woke up in Hackett's arms the following morning. She glanced down at the ring on her finger with a smile. It was the perfect damn ring. She tried to ease off the bed, but his arms shifted to keep her snuggled up next to him.

She really needed to talk to her mom about all of this. She attempted to sneak out of bed again. A very sleepy 'not a chance' was muttered against the back of her neck. It was followed by a series of gentle kisses.

"Trying to sneak away?" His beard teased her skin and she shivered against him.

"I need to talk to my mom." She spun in his arms so they were face to face.

"Nervous?" He looked very groggy.

Shepard rested her head against his chest. "It's my mother. She just found out that I'm dating _Admiral Hackett._ Nervous doesn't begin to cover it."

He let his hands wander across her back. "Do you want me to come with you?"

A beep on her omni-tool distracted her. She stretched her arm back to grab it. She had a new message from her mom. _Of course. Shit._ Ignoring it was her first thought, but she bit the bullet and checked the message anyway.

* * *

 

_From: Mom_

_To: Shepard_

_Subj: Where Are You?_

_You aren't on the Normandy, or in the Arcturus officer's guest quarters._

_I'm waiting for you for breakfast._

_Mom_

* * *

 

"Damn it." Shepard placed a kiss on Hackett's neck before sitting up in bed. " _Admiral Shepard_ is waiting impatiently for me."

Hackett watched her while she hunted around the room for her clothing. "Are you sure that you don't want me to go with you?"

Shepard hopped around on one leg while trying to pull on her cargo pants. "Do you think she's going to notice that I was wearing this yesterday?"

"I am too damn old to worry about it, and so are you," Hackett chuckled.

"Good point." She slid her feet into her boots then sat on the edge of the bed to lace them up. "Did you just call me old?"

Hackett sat up in bed. "Not exactly, so when do you want to get married?"

"Goddamn diversionary tactics." She muttered while hunting for her shirt. "Let's discuss it over lunch, later. Where the hell is my shirt?"

"Looking for this?" He held the shirt up.

She reached out for it, but he grabbed her arm and tugged her back into bed. "This is _not_ helping."

He dangled the shirt over her head. "Who says I'm trying to help?"

Shepard untangled herself from his arms. She headed over to the closest to steal one of his Alliance t-shirts. She winked at him before heading out the door to meet her mom. Ten minutes later, she sat across from _Admiral Shepard_ over breakfast. She reached out for a piece of toast when her mom frowned down at her hand.

_Oh shit._

_The ring._

"So…that's a very beautiful ring on your finger." Her mother spoke very concisely.

"Yes, it is." Shepard stared down at it.

"You said yes." Hannah seemed…surprised.

"I did." In this particular case, less was definitely going to be more as far as Shepard was concerned.

"But he's…"

"What? What is he?" She tossed the toast aside.

"Old enough to be your father. He's also your commanding officer." Her mom pointed out.

"He's _also_ an amazing man who I happen to love." The Commander surged to her feet. "I gave everything for the Alliance including my life. I think I've earned this shot at happiness. You don't have to understand it, or approve of it. But you do need to respect me and my fiancé."

"But sweetheart…Admiral Hackett?"

"Yes, Admiral Hackett." Shepard rested her hands on the top of the chair.

"Sit down."

"Mom, I love you." She stepped around the table to give her a quick hug.

"But?"

"But I love Hackett, and I'm not going to discuss it any further. Let's have dinner tonight, the three of us." Shepard meant to head to the _Normandy_. She had some messages to send out. Instead, she ended up at Hackett's office door.

"How was breakfast?" He glanced up from his terminal.

"Short." Shepard collapsed on his couch and pulled up her omni-tool. "And awkward, it was fucking awkward."

"Did you actually eat anything?" He watched as she started to look through her messages.

"Does a bite of toast count?" She kicked her boots off and tucked her feet up under her.

"I still have half a sandwich." He pointed to the plate on his desk.

Shepard nodded absently and focused on her inbox. She was responding to Liara when an egg sandwich hovered in front of her eyes. She grinned up at Hackett and took the sandwich. He headed back to his desk. She watched him work for several minutes. It was…comfortable, she thought that she could get used to moments like this.

"You're supposed to eat the sandwich, not stare at me." Hackett looked pointedly at it.

Shepard took a bite and rolled her eyes at him. A knock on his office door drew both their attention. It wasn't a completely surprise when her mother stepped into the room.

"Admiral, I think we need to talk." Hannah clearly didn't see her daughter on the couch.

"Really, mom?" Shepard casually took another bite from the sandwich.

Her mom took a deep breath. Shepard could tell that she was preparing for an argument. It was probably best to stop it before it started. She finished the sandwich, brushed her hands off and got up from the couch. She slid her feet back into her boots and stepped over to stand in front of Hackett's desk.

"I've waited years for this man, since before Elysium. I died alone, mom. It was painful and it was dark. I woke up after two years, alone and surrounded by what I thought was the enemy. And while just about everyone else turned their backs on me while I defeated the Collectors, I have always been able to depend on him. And I'm in love with him. I'm going to marry him. You can be there and be happy for me. Or you can keep going on about his age and his rank." Shepard glanced back at Hackett before facing her mother again.

"Alright, I surrender." Her mom laughed. "Your dad argued like that, stubborn to the core."

"It's in my genes." Shepard grinned.

"I'm heading back to the ship. Keep in touch." Her move gave her a hug then glanced at Hackett. "Treat her right, Admiral."

"Always," He nodded. He waited until the door closed then turned back to Shepard. "That was quite a speech."

Shepard hopped up on his desk. "Is this a new desk?"

Hackett stepped between her legs. He cupped her face in his hands. "I love you."

"Definitely a new desk." Shepard glanced down at it.

"I'm trying to have a serious moment here." He leaned his forehead down against hers and sighed.

"So am I."

* * *

 

**Chapter 19**

* * *

 

Lunch and dinner never happened. The _Normandy_ received an emergency mission to the Silean Nebula. Shepard found herself grateful for mercenaries for the first time ever. By the time that they handled the situation and got back to Arcturus, her mother would be gone. Awkwardness averted.

The mercs were trying to take over the fuel depot on Cyone. The only thing that fuckers succeeded in doing was blowing up several fuel tanks outside the depot and sending Shepard flying into the Kodiak. Cortez wasn't sure who took more damage; the shuttle or the Commander. He appeared more concerned about the shuttle.

"Hey Cortez, one more damn word about the damage to the Kodiak and I'm going to…do something drastic." Shepard collapsed on her back on the shuttle floor.

"I'm terrified." Cortez laughed. "You've got an incoming hail from Admiral Hackett."

"Tell him that I'm very busy on the floor." She muttered.

"Tell him yourself, Commander." Cortez patched the Admiral through to the vid in the back of the shuttle.

"Commander? Shepard? Where the hell are you?"

Shepard sent an annoyed look at Cortez before pulling herself up off the floor to head over to the comm to answer Hackett. "Hi."

"Is there a particular reason that you were on the floor?" Hackett frowned at her.

"It was comfortable." She shrugged and then winced.

"Comfortable?"

"I…"

"What happened to your armor?" Hackett's frown deepened

"It got in an argument with the roof of the shuttle." Shepard ignored the mocking sounds coming from Cortez and Vega. _Bastards._

Hackett rubbed his forehead for a moment." Head back to Arcturus. I want to talk to you. Hackett out."

Shepard stared at the comm with a confused frown. "That was…abrupt."

A few hours later, Shepard strolled into Hackett's office in a tank-top, boots and cargo pants. She'd tried for her uniform, but it rubbed against her lovely new bruises. He was at his desk working when she stepped inside.

"The roof of the Kodiak?" He glanced at the bruises on her arms.

"You should see the shuttle." Shepard stood awkwardly in front of his desk. "You wanted to talk?"

"About the wedding."

"Oh… _oh."_ She relaxed instantly. "What about it?"

"What did you think I wanted to talk about?" He asked.

"Nothing." Shepard grinned at him. "I vote for eloping."

"Eloping?"

"I'm allergic to ceremonies…and…"Shepard stuttered to a stop.

"I don't give a damn about ceremonies." Hackett moved out from behind his desk. "The chapel is open for another three hours."

"Is it? Don't we need…witnesses? Rings? A marriage license?" Shepard watched him place a small box in his pocket.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and guided her out of the office. "Everything's taken care of."

"Ok." Shepard raised an eyebrow at him.

He led her across the station down a few floors to the quiet chapel not far from the officers' quarters. She'd been there a few times over the last few months. It was a beautiful little space. She expected it to be empty, but found it full of her friends and squadmates. Her mother was standing beside the chaplain.

Later, when she was lying in bed looking at the two rings on her finger with her _husband_ asleep beside her, Shepard chuckled to herself. She'd gotten married in a tank-top and cargo pants, completely covered in dirt and bruises. Her mother had been horrified when she refused to change. That had just made it even more attractive.

Hackett might not skip ever, but….she definitely had her Happily Ever After.

 


End file.
